• I’m so sorry

    by  • September 6, 2010 • Heartbreak, Lost Love, Regret, Sorry • 0 Comments

    Erica,

    I know I don’t really know you, but I’m sorry for hating you. You’re Benny’s ex-girlfriend. Of course I hated you. I was threatened by you. I was always worried about living up to you. I was afraid you were funnier, or smarter, or prettier, or better for him. And you wanted him back. So if you were better, you could take him from me, and that scared the shit out of me.

    What I am sorry for is that I thought you were being crazy. I didn’t understand why you kept your relationship status as “it’s complicated.” Now I get it. I’m completely torn up by the fact that he broke up with me. I think about him constantly and dream about him every single night. It’s terrible. I miss him so much. I was only with him a few months, so I still can’t imagine how much worse it was for you. He was my first love, so maybe that makes it more intense. I don’t know. But I do know that you’re not crazy. But if you are, it’s perfectly understandable. Losing him has made me crazy, too. I hope you understand that I’m not trying to strike up some the-same-man-hath-done-us-wrong bond. I still don’t like you. I’m jealous of the fact that you got to be with him for over a year and I could only keep him interested for a few months. And I still hope to God that you’re going to back to being my boyfriend’s ex. But I won’t hate you anymore. I totally get it. Him leaving me completely shattered me in a way that I’ve never been hurt before, and I’m having just as hard of a time letting go as you did. I mean, I’m writing this letter online for Christ’s sake. I didn’t eat for three full days, and I still cry at least once everyday.

    I just thought you should know.
    Rebecca

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