• How I really feel about this…

    by  • September 6, 2010 • Confusion, Fear, Jealousy, Love - Pure and Simple, Regret, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    There are many things I want to say… so I will say it. I will say it all.

    Dear Lover,

    I love you.
    I have always loved you.

    And I made a mistake by one day, letting you go. And you were always consistently asking me to come back. But I said no…
    I said it wasn’t right,
    From what I knew, or what I thought I knew, and from what they said, it wasn’t right – So I left.

    But I still loved you, even when I resisted you… There was always a special spot for you in my heart, Lover. I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. And you knew that. Lol. You told me that you knew.. You even told me that you and I both knew that you were the right man for me, But
    I resisted you… because I thought it wasn’t right.

    I am sorry.
    I wish that I never left.

    Well, I guess you’ve forgiven me, because now we’re kinda back together. But I say kinda because, when I started talking to you again, you had another. And you still had her for awhile..

    And now, I have these feelings for you… strong feelings… sometimes they’re so strong, it’s scary, and I have to stop myself. I think about you all the time. About me and you. I think that I think about you more than I think about myself…

    Anyways, I have these strong feelings… I told you that I love you. I even PRAY for you now… every night…

    You said you love me too… but…

    Are you still with her?…

    I know that I shouldn’t, but I was looking through your fb… and your hi5… and I found her.
    And I saw some of her comments to you, and I have to admit, I got jealous… but then again, it’s my own fault… I shouldn’t have left..

    And then I saw how you wrote her that poem… and I know, that was awhile ago..

    But are you still with her?

    Looking through those things, I did feel kinda depressed… because… well, you might still love her…

    Are you still with her?

    If you are… Lover, I love you. I love you deeply, but, I’m… going to leave… because I can’t handle that…

    I can’t handle the man I love (and who says he loves me back) being with someone else… even if we are miles apart…

    Are you still with her?

    The last time I asked, you said that you and her were going through rough times… I don’t want to be your back-up plan though.

    And sometimes when you say that you love me, I don’t really believe you… I’m reluctant to believe you because, well… I don’t know whether you’re still with her or not. And technically, I don’t know if we’re actually boyfriend and girlfriend or not. We talk like we are, but you haven’t said that we are, which also stresses me out. And I’m not about to ask you, because I don’t want you to think that I’m clingly or desperate or something…

    But you know, maybe you’re not with her… or maybe you do love me.. since you saved our convos or things that I’ve sent you (well, awhile ago, you showed me that you did. I don’t know about now.. maybe you’ve deleted it).

    Lover,
    I love you…
    But these feelings are making me nervous…

    Lover,
    I love you deeply.
    If you were ever to ask me to marry you… I think I’d actually say yes, despite everyone…

    ———————————————-

    Idk… I know that, I think I’ll always love you… But if I don’t know your answer soon enough… I might just leave… and never come back…

    Sincerely,
    Confused Girl In Love
    :-*

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