• Dear S,

    by  • September 6, 2010 • Acceptance, Friends, Letting Go, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    Well, I’m only even using your initial that in hope maybe you’ll see this. But I know you won’t. Yes, this might not be the place to place it but it’s the best I can do. I’ll never be able to tell you this to your face. But my actions will tell you all.

    I just told you a couple of nights ago that I didn’t ever want to talk to you again. That I was never your perfect girl and that someday you would. And I basically told you that you should never talk to me again. Then you told me that that was fine that you were sorry that I had decided to make that choice and that if I ever needed you in any way you would be there for me. But I told that I won’t and that I was sorry.

    Then the next day I took it all back. And I’m sorry again (there’s that word again) and you told me that I hurt you that night, something I really didn’t mean to do. And you said that, yes, it was semi kinda ok but not really. That it was fine but that it was the final straw for us that we would be just friends.

    Honestly you have no idea how much relief I felt when I read that. Oh my God,you have no idea just how long I’ve been waiting to hear that. But I couldn’t just leave it like that…I had to ask you for more. To tell you the truth, I should have just left it like that..but I know I’d hate myself a couple of months from now if I know I didn’t try. And that’s always been my problem. I always try. I know that I should have given up since the longest. My feelings for you aren’t the same. I don’t love you the way I use to. My love isn’t deep anymore.

    I love you and I always will but not in the way i used to. Kissing you, touching you hasn’t been the same and hasn’t felt right since the longest. I’ve ignored the feelings because that’s what I do. And I told Christy that and she said it’s what happens when you break up with someone so much…But I don’t believe it. As sad as it is..I’m just not in love with you.

    I don’t want you in my life and I don’t need you either. It makes it a lot harder to truly get over you when I talk to every day as if nothing ever happened. And don’t tell me that you’ll be there for me,I don’t want that I never did and you know it. Being broken up means that I should stay away from you. And that’s all I want. I want to get away from you and never talk to you again.. Maybe in a couple of year.. I’ll be able to…but to tell you the truth..I probably won’t be in this city anymore. I’m planning to move to Irvine, but that’s something you don’t need to know. Of course I’ll always love you and you’ll be in my thoughts…but I’ll never be there for you, cause things won’t get better if you’re there.

    Bye S
    I’ll always love you
    Love The Swimmer

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