You’ve been one of my best friends all through high school, one of those people who connects on a deeper level than anyone else. That says a lot seeing as how I don’t have the kind of friends that everyone else has, that you have.
That’s why I feel guilty that I have such a crush on you, that you’ve don’t deserve to have a friend with an ulterior motive. I’m afraid that having told you about this crush has made you always think of me in that perspective, the creeper perspective.
At the same time, whenever you feel unloved or unlovable, I hope you think that I’ll always love you even if you don’t return it. Because it’s true. How many times have I seen the clock strike 11:11 and wished for you? When I saw that shooting star, the only one ever, I wished for you. Whenever I find pennies, I secretly hope that the luck will help you realize something for me.
I know it won’t happen, because you don’t feel that way toward me, but I can still wish. Every time I see you I hug you, because I love you, and so you don’t think that’s the reason, I hug everyone else too. When I talk to you, I go back and think of what I could have said differently. After I told you, I brushed it off like I do every other crush, but it never completely brushed off. I can’t stop wishing for you, because your name always pops first in my mind when any of the luck charms find me.
Ultimately, you’re the reason why I know that I’m gay and although I’ll never have you, I’ll always try to find someone who can replace you. It makes me sad to think that even if I find someone so totally in love with me and I feel the same way, I would drop them for you in a heartbeat. I’m so sorry I feel this way about you, but I can’t change it. I love you.