• To the man that has indirectly ruined my high school years.

    by  • September 4, 2010 • Divorce, Family Stuff, Grief, Lost Love, Parents • 0 Comments

    Dear “Dad”,

    You aren’t much of a Dad. At all. You and Mom got divorced, and you thought it a lady’s job to take care of the kids, with you sending your monthly “Dad check” being enough. It is not enough, yet it’s too late to go back now. Money is not enough. And as a result of your lack of importance thus far in my life, I find it difficult at best to respect you. When you don’t let me go out with my friends, I scream, curse and argue with you as if I am your equal. You say it’s disrespectful. You know what I say? How do I find it in my morals to respect a man who thinks a check for thousands of dollars replaces being a father? I probably will never respect you. Of this, I am sure. Furthermore, you’ve led me down a destructive pattern. I haven’t even reached 16 years of my life, and I have done some of the most unspeakable things on Earth.

    I am happy I have Mom, who guides me on the straight and narrow. To this day, I am drug free and I do not have you to thank for this. My thoughts are scattered, but I don’t want to hurt you. You’ve hurt me enough, and I wouldn’t wish that type of pain on anyone for as long as I am on this Earth. I look for acceptance and happiness in males, because you are emotionless at best. How could you do this to me? HOW?

    I’m happy one out of two of your children are okay… My brother has learned to accept it, and embraces it as something that defines him as a stronger person. But then again, looks are deceiving. I know the mistakes I’m making as sure as I make them, but I can’t stop myself…. Because all I want is to hear that it’s okay to be scared, and that I’m beautiful. I have a narcissistic facade to hide the scars that lay deep inside my soul. I wonder if my brother does that, too. Maybe it’s just me, I seem to be the more emotional out of the two of us. But it’s okay. Time heals all. Although you’ve ruined a big part of my life, I will have renewal. And when I do Dad, I promise you you’ll be sorry you missed out on the best years of your children’s lives. And that, “Dad”, is a promise.

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