• Fallen Idol

    by  • September 3, 2010 • Abuse, Anger, Family Stuff, Forgiveness, Grief, Heartbreak, Lost Love, Parents • 0 Comments

    Dad

    I wish I could have you back for just one day so I could tell you what I think of your behaviour – and maybe give you a chance to explain yourself.

    I idolised you, was blind to your faults, loved you. That was before I found out what kind of man you were. You were a cheat (witness my half brother I never knew I had) and an alcoholic. I could probably forgive these things – you were only human – I could even feel sorry for you because of your weaknesses but I can’t come to terms with the fact that you hit my mother, your wife. This knowledge has soured all of my memories of you. I can’t believe anything you ever said or did because you were a stranger to me. I hate you most because my mother still loves you and because of the way I feel about you my sister will not speak to me. I feel as though you have taken my childhood away from me and even though I’m a grown woman with grown up children of my own it still hurts.

    How can I reconcile the love and the hatred I feel for you? Your memory makes me cry more often than it makes me smile and I’m tired of feeling this way.

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