• Wish you would admit to yourself that you need me too.

    by  • September 2, 2010 • Breaking Up, Grief, Letting Go, Lost Love, Self-Esteem • 0 Comments

    I sometimes feel I’m torturing myself and this is incredibly unfair to me. I don’t think we should talk anymore. I don’t think it’s fair that you get me however you want me and I only get you how you want me to get you. You need to be alone for real. Which means you don’t get to have me too. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. We either are together or I need to move on because I deserve to be happy and I don’t feel I should be waiting on you. I deserve to be the one someone loves enough to wait for. That’s what I should be getting.

    So I think I’m finally done being on your back burner. I wanted happiness-with you. But I can’t be happy being treated like this. When I love I love fully and deeply and compassionatey. And I deserve to have that returned, not to be sitting here hoping you’ll see that you should treat me that way. I’m not trying to be mean. You do what you have to do. I just can’t be here anymore. I really wanted to be here for you; but I have to not be- for me.

    It’s incredibly emotionally taxing and won’t be easy to not talk to you. As I’ve always said, you’re wonderful. Everything I said in that letter is 100% true. But I feel I’m losing my own value by all of this. I don’t want the way you make me feel to become who I believe I am. Because you make me feel like worthless crap without even meaning to sometimes.

    I think I’m magnificent. And I need to be around people who treat me that way. I just don’t need all this crap anymore. You and this whole situation has become the most negative aspect of my life and if we continue like this I will eventually hate you as a person and hate myself as well for being strung along and letting that happen. So, if you want me you can have me; but if you don’t then I think I’d like to continue my life and hopefully find someone who does want me and will show me the same passion I show. Because that’s what I deserve. None of this breaking up but keeping me around just in case you decide you finally want to work things out.

    Because, let’s face it: if you were going to work things out you wouldn’t have broken it off. If you loved me enough and saw the potential of us being great like I do, you would have worked it out. But you didn’t. And it doesn’t seem like you have plans of doing that in the future, so I don’t even know why I’m still here.

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