I have so much to get over. Mostly things from the past that have caused these messed up feelings about myself… but I do know one thing. I love you.
I don’t know what it is. I have so many people in my life that I care about, but you are the only person I can think about every day. You are always running through my head… I am just afraid of rejection. Isn’t being your friend good enough?
I am a great friend, I know. I just want more from life. More from you. More out of myself. Can’t fail if you don’t try. But not trying is an automatic fail… I have been on auto fail for a while now.
After a while you can not call it auto pilot… you have to call it auto fail. Short. Fat. Stupid. Loud. Moody. What’s not to love?
I just wish I didn’t have the fail voice as my guide. But you. YOU are a great source of inspiration… and yet I know I will not meet your standards. How that silly girl had you and broke your heart actually upsets me. I was there. I saw you breaking and I knew that someday I would be able to take her place… but I don’t want her place… I want my OWN place.
I will sit and write this out another time, for now… I have some things I need to do. Steps to get me closer to you.
I have faith you will love me the way I love you some day?