• Questions I’ll never ask

    by  • September 2, 2010 • Confusion, Dating, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    I have no courage to ask you to calmly explain to me exactly why it is you won’t ask me out, because even though you’ve stated it in many ways, I still don’t truly understand.

    What is it about me, exactly? Is there some character/personality defect that I’m flawed with that you just can’t stand? Is it because I just fail at expressing my happiness, even when I’m bursting with joy on the inside?

    Is it because I have no history with anyone (and there fore no experience), because I’ve spent all this time waiting for you? Is it because I said “No” when you asked me if I would have sex with you, even though I only said it because we’re not together? Would it even have made a difference if I had said “Yes”?

    That last question is what has been bothering me the most. You said you’d prefer for us not to date because you clearly wanted more out of a relationship than I am willing to give right now. But I only said no because we’re not together. Who knows what I could have said a few months down the road? Now I’ll never know, and you won’t either.

    What I still want to know is if that really is all it would have taken to go out with you. I don’t mean that as in “Wow, that seems like a fairly simple thing to do” kind of way, because it’s not. There’s nothing simple about it. But if I were in a position in my life where I would be okay with sleeping with you, would you go out with me then? Or would you find some other reason as to why we can’t be together?

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