I haven’t told you since I’ve come back from school, but I’m in love! I found someone entirely perfect, and over the summer we spent every possible moment creating an unbeatable experience. The days were spent with his arm around my waist as we explored every last piece of that small, secluded world. The nights were spent waiting for our next encounter. No one in the world is an brilliant, as clever, as spontaneous and fun, and no one has ever shown me so much about myself. It’s because of him that I hold myself to a higher standard.
The chemistry was natural, like nothing I’ve ever felt. A few short weeks was all I needed to know that I loved him, and I do love him. I tried not to. I tried not to put myself in any comprimising situations, and I tried not to became emotionally invested, but there is nothing to be done for the will of one’s own heart. There was nothing I could do.
I’m sorry that I don’t love you. It was only after seperating myself from out relationship that I found just how forced and awkward we really are together. Our entire relationship has been pushed together in an uncomfortable, unnatural sort of way that you can’t seem to notice.
For now I’ll stay with you because you make me happy, and because I make you happy, and because I have very few other options. I don’t want to hurt you. I do love you in a sort of way, I’m just not IN love with you. You don’t make me feel that natural connection, the way two souls fit together in a natural harmony. There isn’t enough contrast between us, and you aren’t enough of a challenge for me. I need someone to make me constantly question myself until I’m sure that I’m doing all that I can.
I know that in several years time, once school is finished and I’m free to live my life, I will see him again. And when I see him again, whether or not I am still with you, I will still love him, and I will have to be with him. That may mean leaving you behind. I don’t want to wait till then if out situation never turns “right.”
You are one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. I have no complaints, and you have brought me many blissful memories. I want to fall in love with you. I hope it happens. If it doesn’t, I won’t know what to do.