You’re always complaining about how you’re this nice guy that never gets the girl. Well, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PANCAKES! I’m a girl and I’m totally in love with you! Who else would listen to your complaining? Who else would leave an amazing party just because YOU didn’t get in? Who else would bring you your favorite cookies when you break your arm? I am ALWAYS there for you, WHENEVER you need me, and, yet, you moan about how no one loves you. Unexplainably, Sven, I DO!
You aren’t even good enough for me! You’re a little too short and your hair sucks! I don’t mean to brag, but I am gorgeous! I am, and funny, and intelligent, and a good conversationalist. But I love you anyway, you slightly goofy-looking goblin! You go on and on about the horrible girls who friendzone you, yet you inflict that very same torture on me!
And after ALL of this. After the constant companionship, after I have proved that I will stick by you no matter what, after I thought we had reached a level of closeness that none of your other friends could match, you tell me i’m #2. NUMBER TWO!?!? I figure out that I’m only sought out for when your “#1” isn’t available.
So, i’m writing to tell you that I can’t be friends with you anymore. It’s too hard and you continue to hurt me again and again. In fact, I hate you, Sven.
Except I can’t do that. Because even in the 3 days that I have purposely left your texts and messages unanswered, I miss you. Despite everything, despite the fact that I don’t want you, I love you. Ugh, you are SO annoying.
-the 2nd on your stupid list