I’m not sure if I will ever have the courage to give you this letter, or allow you to read it. Maybe one day, I will work up the strength to. The point of this letter, is to share with you what I’m feeling and have been feeling. I don’t think you even understand the half of it. If I ever do let you read this, it’s not meant to be a way of making you come back to me. The purpose of showing you would be to let loose what I’ve been holding in for the past 6 months with the small hope that I could have the power to change your mind. It’s honestly too much for me to carry anymore. I’m afraid if I don’t let you know, I may loose you. I’m also afraid if I ever end up showing this to you, I may scare you away. But at this point, I don’t know what else to do. This seems like my last sign of hope. So here it goes.
You truly are an amazing guy. I don’t know if you know that. I have liked you for about a year and a half now. Yup, that’s a long time. And I really only had you for 7 months of that. The other time has been me waiting and hoping for a miracle of some sort. You probably think I’m obsessed with you or something, and that’s the last thing I want you to think. When I recently told you that I liked you again. I lied. I don’t just kinda sorta have feelings for you again. I STILL have strong feelings for you. And they have been haunting me for the 6 months since we have ended our relationship. When I liked Jake for a while there, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And how badly I just wanted to be back with you. When you would talk to me, the feelings inside of me would come bursting back up. I did like Jake, but not nearly as much as I continued to like you. Maybe he was my way of trying my best to push the past behind me, and move on. But it didn’t work for me. You remained in my head and as hard as I tried I couldn’t get you out of it.
At this point some of my friends have been telling me to move on, and find someone new. Everytime I try to forget, something seems to be telling me to give it one more shot. I keep trying. And keep getting hurt. For me, it’s becoming a cycle now. As crazy as it sounds, im not going to give up yet. Still, something tells me not to give up. Cause honestly, I think you are worth it.
By the way, I don’t care if you do stuff with other girls. I mean, it upsets me, yes. But that shouldn’t surprise you, considering I still do like you. But honestly, don’t worry about me. Ill get over it. The thought of another girl with you may kill me, but if you are happy, go for it. The reason I was so upset about what happened is because I, once again, had my hopes up. That maybe this was it, I was finally starting to get you back. Maybe, just maybe. I was so close to getting what I have wanted for the past 6 months. I still do have hope, that really deep down, your feelings for me are there. I’m afraid of a lot of things right now. I’m afraid that all the friendship we have built up this summer has just been torn away. And I don’t want to have to wait to build it back up again. I’m afraid that maybe the second chance with you I have been wanting will never come for me. And maybe some day I will face the reality that it wont ever. But i’m also afraid if I give up, I will be giving up the only thing I have truly wanted.
As weird as it sounds, the 7 months we dated for were truly awesome for me. Everyday, I still try to figure out what happened. I can’t help but blame myself for it ending. When we were dating I was honestly the happiest person. When thinking back to some of those times, I can’t help but smile and wonder if Ill ever be able to relive those. You were my first real relationship. First love, I guess. I would honestly give anything to have you back, Michael. I don’t think you understand the pit in my stomach that has remained since it all ended. I feel like im missing something. Missing the happiness you gave me, and the feeling you gave me. I would give anything to have those days back. But I can’t go back in time. I can only move forward and hope for the best. That’s all I have now. Hope.
Maybe if you ever do read this, you’ll smile. Or you’ll be creeped out. Or angry. I’m really not sure of anything at this point. I just hope when you read it you understand that my feelings for you are here. As much as I’ve been hurt, my feelings for you have not even faltered. They seem to grow stronger every time. I hope you understand, that if you want a girl who truly does care for you. She’s right here. She has been.
Thank you for being one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
I really hope that some day you may be prepared to give me another chance. Cause if you do ever tell me that you wanted me back, I would jump at that chance in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even have to think about it.
I really do care about you. I can’t even tell you how much. I hope one day you will give me a second chance. I promise you, it will be worth it.