• Your Hand Will Always Fit In Mine

    by  • August 30, 2010 • Disappointment, Grief, Heartbreak, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You • 0 Comments

    Dear A,

    You were all I ever wanted for so long. All through high school, no matter the crush I had at the time, I somehow always ended up back at you. We drifted apart a little in college, but then we were brought back together through circumstances. I fell for you all over again. Last summer was the best I’ve ever had. I took my time, I might even say too long, finally asking you out last November. Things were great, better than I could have hoped. Our hands fit together so well… We were happy, I thought unstoppable. That is until you wanted it to be over. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand the real reasons why. With our history, the things you told me, all I have in mind are conflicting ideas.

    I’ll be honest, you broke my heart, yet somehow, all I can think of is being with you again. I wish you could know the feelings I still have for you. Our friendship has been hurt enough already, and I don’t want to risk driving you any further away by telling these things to you. I wish there was a way you could know how I felt without me having to tell you. I guess that’s childish really, you could never know unless I told you. I’ve never been good at taking risks, I analyze everything too much. That’s really why it took me so long to ask you out in the first place, then to have it all blow up in my face doesn’t help my situation. It’s a flaw of mine, it holds me back from doing the things I should.

    Maybe someday I’ll send this to you, before I leave for Grad School, less than a year now… Who knows when I’ll see you again after that. I can’t let every opportunity pass me by, and I’m hoping I won’t let you pass by, let you slip away. You have always meant the world to me, I still think and dream about you every day. I miss you so much. I never understood the songs on the radio until we were together. And I never understood the rest of them until we were apart. I know now what is to miss someone so bad that it hurts. To be willing to give anything just to see you smile again, look at me the way you once did, feel you beside me… It all makes sense now, I just wish it would have made more sense when we were together. I got so caught up in the thrill of it all that I tried too hard. Pressed to far, too fast. I think I scared you away. If I could do it over again, I’d take my time, like I did before we started dating. Maybe then we’d still be together, and I’d never have known true heartache…

    When we broke up, I told you I’d always care for you and I’d always be there for you. I meant it. That won’t change. You will always be my first love, the one I lost, the one who left.

    As music is so important in my life, I’ll leave with some lyrics. I mean them for you, maybe you’ve heard the song and can appreciate them. Just know, mon petit chou: “My arms are always open, my dear. I’m here. Your hand will always fit in mine, dear…”

    With love,
    E

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