• You thrill me… and scare me

    by  • August 29, 2010 • Abuse, Confession, Love - Pure and Simple, Self-Esteem, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    Never have I ever wanted to say these words to anyone. But with you, I do. I want to tell you every day that I love you. That I care not because you’re cute, or charming, or sexy, even though you are all those things.

    It’s because I love you. I want to be there because I love you. I can’t say it because I’m scared. I’m terrified of telling you those words. Because I’ve never said them to anyone who wasn’t just a friend, or a member of my family. I want to give myself to you completely. But the very idea of intimacy frightens me.

    I’ve been used. I’ve been lied to. I’ve been molested – twice. I’ve had a father that abused my mother, physically, mentally, emotionally. I’ve been shy, introverted, uncertain, since I was first born. With you I want to be different. But I still freak out, still cry when it comes to showing you anything more. You don’t understand why. I know you don’t. I’m sorry you don’t.

    I have so many issues that you don’t even know about, and as much as I think you don’t deserve to be put through my shit, I want to work through it all with you.

    Because, damn it all. I love you. And love has to be stronger than my fucked up mentality. It has to be.

    And one day, I won’t need this to be anonymous. One day I’ll look at your beautiful face, into your deep eyes. And I’ll tell you how much I love you.

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