I heard a song on the radio at work today. It immediately reminded me of you. At first, it felt like I was in a dream. I was warmed by the memory. The Song putting me back in that blissful moment. After a few seconds, I remembered the now, and it turned to a nightmare. I was brought back to the cold, harsh reality.
You will not read this. I know that for a fact. I wish I could tell you all this, but I know you wouldn’t listen. I don’t blame you. I really don’t. If the roles were switched, I would not listen. I would turn a cold, scornful shoulder to your pleading. If the roles were reversed, you would deserve it. As is stands now, I asked for this, so I got it.
Every thought of you Reminds me of what we were. What I ended. Oddly, I still think ending it was the right thing to do. Maybe that’s just my pride talking. Maybe that’s me just trying to save face. I was in pain. I was hoping for a better, brighter tomorrow that never came. Every time I reached out, It seemed my hands were slapped back.
I miss you. I think about you almost every night. I wish I didn’t. The thoughts drive me mad. They keep me up at night. I don’t know what is worse: the fact that I lost you, or the fact that it is my fault. Yes, we had our problems, but they were nothing we couldn’t handle. I just couldn’t handle that one problem. That one little problem. It should have been nothing, but it destroyed me. It made me feel (Quite ironically) how I feel right now.
I don’t know why I am writing this. I don’t really want anyone to read this, but I am tired of keeping it in. I am tired of putting up a front. I’m tired of my silence. I’m tired. Maybe if I share my problems, someone will be able to see some sanity in the madness. Maybe someone can decipher this Code that’s been hacking my brain. my will. my happiness.
I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could just drop what I felt. what I may still feel. I wish I could just move on. I thought with time, I would learn to move on. I still feel the way I did before my mistake. I wish I could just talk to you. I wish I could just end this silence…. But here I am, rambling on a website i randomly found.