It never ends. There’s always a rush of thrill, and then a chasm erupts and I’m lost. Lost in blue nothingness, while sadness beats against my brain over and over. I’ve never learned how to deal with my disorder. Most of my life I’ve suffered from it, but finally I’ve found my safe guard. When you held me, I felt loved and safe. I could’ve fallen asleep in your arms and never worken up. When you’d kiss my head, it felt like a gentle reassurance that I didn’t have to be alone. I didn’t have to battle all the monsters armed only with a nerf sword and fleeting wish.
But now…I’m losing you. You stopped seeing what I meant in my smiles. You stopped trying to bravely put up with the roller-coaster ride of emotions that I can’t seem to get off of. I miss you. I need my knight with a lightsaber when I have to battle the monsters…I can’t stand to lose you. Now that I’ve seen color in the world, all because of how your affection has touched me, I can’t go back to black and white. I love you for the way you loved me. I love you for when it hurt you just to keep me from hurting any more. It’s awfully selfish of me, but I love you.