Those are the words you will never fail to hear from me when you need them said. When you need a shoulder to cry on, arms to hold you, legs to support you, and a heart to hear you, I’ll always be here. This isn’t something I need to remind you of, either. You know this, and I know you know it. But there is something that I don’t know; it’s why you insist on “just being friends,” when I know there’s potential for more. What I fail to understand is why you don’t feel like giving us a chance.
That’s all you wanted at one point; a chance. You wanted a chance to be with someone who cared about you, who wouldn’t stab you in the back like she did on our senior year, who would see you for the amazing person you are and not cause you to doubt yourself or make you believe you were below anyone’s standards. Just like I’m here for you now, I was there for you then and I saw something change. You were still the best friend I fell in love with, but that stab in the back caused a crack to appear that just kept getting wider and wider until I was terrified it would consume you. You were, are, and always will be the sunshine in my life and I felt as if my sun had been eclipsed indefinitely.
You did not smile. You barely spoke. Whatever emotion or response I did manage to get out of you was so full of despair that I debated on whether trying to get you to reply at all. I stuck by you, though. When all I kept hearing was how other people were telling you that “she was just one girl” and to “get over it,” I listened to you without judgment. If truth be told, it was more out of fear for you than it was because I was being a good friend. But I’d like to think that the two are related. I’d like to think that it’s because I was a good enough friend that I was worried for your safety, worried about the way you spoke so darkly all the time. Because of that, I was always there for you, more than I ever had been. Months went by, making it a point to prove the tired saying that time heals everything. I started to hear you laugh for the first time in so long. Your eyes shone. That hint of bitterness and scorn in your voice had all but vanished. Eventually, you were back to a more content version of the guy I met in my 10th grade English class. And my feelings were more or less the same as they had been since we met. Your conviction to join the military hadn’t changed either. You had already been getting yourself in shape for boot-camp, so relationships weren’t exactly high on your priorities list. That’s not to say that they weren’t on your list at all; you once made a comment about your doubts of a girl remaining faithful to you while you were away for a year and a half, just for training, never mind actually getting sent overseas. You said no girl would wait for you. I guess you forgot what I’ve always told you.
I’ve never been one to press a matter when you’ve made up your mind about something. You asked to just be friends and that is something I do my best to honor, because I value our existing friendship more than a possible relationship. But the fact remains that it IS possible, because I would do my best to give you all the things that you’ve asked for, even though you doubt that you’d ever get them. You say you doubt anyone would faithfully wait for you, but I would. If I have liked you since sophomore year and I am already a freshman in college, that is already a longer amount of time than your training. And I have always been here during that time. You have never doubted that.
One thing I do doubt is to the extent of which you know that I’ll continue to be here. I have resigned myself to the fact that a relationship is probably never going to happen. For whatever reason, you have decided that being together would ruin our friendship because we are “too close” to date. While I disagree with that statement with more passion than I have ever disagreed with anything, I still try my best to act accordingly. If doing so means holding back what I really think and feel, then I’ll do it. If doing so means never getting what I want, then I’m fine with nothing. If doing so means that I won’t ever be completely happy, then so be it. Because when I say I’m always here for you, I truly mean it. I am here for YOU, always.