I knew you. You knew me. Only because we went to the same school. We never spoke, never had any classes together, and never sat together during lunch.
But I saw you. I would smile at you and you would look away.
My junior year of high school, I started skipping fourth period everyday and would come to your classroom to talk to my best friend. You sat in the back with some other boys and I’d always come back there and ask how you were doing and say strange things that made you blush.
That was enough for us to become friends on MySpace and we’d exchange conversation and that led to me saying hi to you in the hall. And one thing led to another and you were my best friend.
Except you loved me more than that and secretly I loved you back more than that too.
You would come over to my house and we’d make prank phone calls and when my dad would get in fights with my step-mother, I’d call you from my room and tell you I was scared.
We bought each other Christmas presents and one day decided to hold hands on the way to 4th period just mimic all the other couples. But it didn’t feel like a joke at all. You held my hand tight and led me through the crowd.
Days later you sent me a message telling me you’d never do anything to hurt me and that you loved me. All I said back is that I didn’t feel the same way and even if I did, I would do nothing but hurt you.
I was scared of getting hurt again and I was scared of what people would think and so I lied.
You stayed by my side hoping I’d come around, but I never did and when you finally gave up and decided to try to make something work with another girl, I purposely made a mess of it.
Because I wanted you and was too scared to say it.
It’s been 4 years and I still think about you more than I probably should.