It still haunts me that the phone rang as you slipped away and I didn’t answer it. I heard it ring, but I was too afraid to face the reality that it meant your death. I sometimes imagine what I would have done, had I answered it, and heard dad’s voice – what would he have said? Would he have just been crying? What would I have done? I thought that I would wake up from my dream if I could just ignored it, that it would all just go away.
It doesn’t matter now. The phone still rings, but the opportunity is gone. I don’t even remember your cellphone number, I can’t list you in my contacts even if I wanted to. I’m so grown up now, but the kid you raised, you took her with you. I miss you, Mom. Come hold my head, wipe my tears, please laugh just one more time. I need you now more than ever.