• you make me want to hate you…..i just can’t

    by  • August 27, 2010 • Breaking Up, Grief, Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    I’ve started at this blank page for so long trying to figure out what to write but you know it all. I have said it over and over and over again to you – I have cried, poured my heart out, crawled in the mud and went down kicking and screaming. You told me you needed space then couldn’t even talk to me w/o getting angry and tell me you feel pressure. You say you think you still love me and you think I still make your heart beat fast.

    What do you mean you think?!?!?!?!?!?! You were the one who said that you loved me first you said I was the first person that you were “in love” with. so now what do you mean you think. Why are you being so cold? I have lost 15 lbs in a month because all this is killing me so much. I can’t eat can’t sleep, can hardly bresh and stand up on my own two feet. You know I want to make this work. It’s not like we did anything deceitful to each other in our relationship, just bickered here and there.

    You need to stop being so insecure in what was our relationship. If you love someone and want to make it work , you know! I have poured my heart out, you know what I want. You’re making me hate you and become bitter, is that what you want? Every day you rip my heart out of my chest, throw it on the floor and pour salt all over it. You know I would take you back with open arms if that’s what you decided and that *%^#$ because this is all in your hands. Will all the hurt you are causing me I would still take you back. Whats wrong with me? How does it feel to have someone crawling at your feet only for you to kick them in the stomach every day? I don’t know what I’m trying to say here- you make me want to hate you but I can’t because I love you too much- I wish this was bothering you as much as it is me. Wish you could feel this pain. I have cried for the past 30 days. I try to convince myself that I’m gone but how do you do that when this is something I so desperately want?!?!?!?!?!?! Tell me bones will break and mend, and thoughts of you are bound to end. Please know that I would have fought for you. We could have beaten the distance – it breaks my heart that you don’t even want to try, eventually.

    Do I want to let you go? No. Am I ready to let you go? No. Do i have to let you go? Maybe. Will I have to one day? I hope not

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