• Never again

    by  • August 27, 2010 • Acceptance, Letting Go, Lost Love, The Ex • 0 Comments

    You came into my life at a time when I was vulnerable and thought everything meant something. If only seeing into the future was for real…

    I believed your words of caring for me and appreciating me for who I am and wanting a future for us. All along I knew it was bullshit and I should have listened to my gut. What I realized months after everything was said and done was that you were always putting on a mask and playing someone else. Someone who could give me what I wanted with the nothingness you have. Sounds romantic, I know, but really you just played what you and I wanted you to be. And in the end, I realized that I could not spend any more tears and heartache and brain capacity to think of someone who did not exist. You literally don’t exist. And maybe that’s why it hurt so much to give up wanting you. I had made you up in my mind as this wonderful person but really, you were none of it. And now that we’ve both moved on I even feel shameful for once spending more than mere minutes thinking about you.

    But really, what I do have to be thankful out of the whole experience is that I learned who I am and what I want. And isn’t that the most important thing? I think so. I realized that the way I was before was detrimental to how I perceive relationships. That going into a toxic relationship with someone is nothing like the movies or whatever I imagine it COULD be. Things will never be how I wished they were, or how they could be. And people can never be changed by me wanting them to change. They must change for themselves. So thank you for that.

    But otherwise….fuck off.

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