Reflecting back on my high school years, and the miniscule role you played in them, makes it hard for me to fathom the way I feel about you, but there’s no denying how much I care about you. This past summer was unlike any I’d ever experienced. I’m so glad we worked together, and I got to see you on a daily basis. You got to know the real me, and—big surprise—you liked her too. The more I got to know you, the more I realized how perfect you were for me. I know it seems ridiculous to have just graduated high school, and to already know what I want, but for some reason with you I just know you’re what I want. I know it’s a cliché to say I’ve never felt this way before, but I honestly haven’t. Never before have I actually pictured a future with a guy, and wanted to make that come true. Never before has a guy made me want to stay with him and not explore the college dating life, and I’ve never found myself daydreaming about one person so often. The crazy thing is we aren’t even together. It’s the most bizarre experience I’ve ever been through. If I could be with you right now, I would in a heartbeat, faster than you can say, “The pool likes me better.”
But there’s no way we can ever be together. You’re still in high school and I’m headed off to college. You’re going to find someone at school, and you’re going to fall head over heels in love with her. I’ll be happy for you, because you deserve every ounce of happiness you can get your hands on. I won’t deny, though, that I will be jealous of her, because I will. I’ll be jealous that she gets to provide for you what I can’t, and probably never will be able to give you—a relationship. I know you’ll probably say I’ll find somebody in college, but for the first time ever, I don’t want somebody in college. I want you.
Here’s another amazing feat you and only you have managed to conquer: if it were possible to do a long-distance relationship with you, I would. A distance of over an 11 hour drive I would at least attempt. I’ve never wanted that before. Sure, I’ve considered it, but then I broke up with the guy because I didn’t want to handle it. I think that if it weren’t for your parents, I would actually confront you about it, though I know you’d never want to in a million years. Who in their right mind would when they aren’t even dating the person? Granted, we probably would have been together this summer if it weren’t for your parents, but still. Well actually, we would have been together if it weren’t for my stupid “logic,” thinking it wouldn’t be a good idea. I wish I could relive that day over again. I really do. It was just about the most amazing day I’ve had in a long time, and I wish I could change my answer. Still, it feels like you’re peanut butter, and I’m jelly, but someone has decided they want turkey instead, so we can’t be together. You sit on the shelf, and I in the refrigerator, wanting to be together, but can’t.
I’ve never told anyone this before, and probably never will because every time I think of it I feel like the most horrible person alive, but the last boyfriend I had—the one who was head over heels in love with me, the one who was picturing a future together with me, the one whose heart I completely and utterly broke—I broke up with him for you. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now, looking back on it, it’s the truth. It wasn’t until we really started talking, and I got to know you that I started thinking about breaking up with him. The more I thought about breaking up with him, the more I thought, “Hey, I can spend more time with this other guy and not feel guilty.” I tried to convince myself you weren’t the reason, that it was because we weren’t right for each other, etc. but that isn’t true. The main reason was because of you, and I’ve finally come to terms with that.
This summer was the most amazing one I’ve had in my entire life. Every time we held hands, or you put your arms around me during a movie, felt picture perfect, like we were two puzzle pieces made only for each other. It’s amazing, the way I feel whenever you touch me, even if we just randomly bumped hands or you were tickling my side. Every time I see you, my heartbeat quickens, and I immediately do a mental check list, making sure I look my very best. Whenever we’re in the same room, I have the hardest time not staring at you the entire time. You have this amazing way of looking absoulutely awesome in every single color of the rainbow, and moreso, which sounds kind of ridiculous, but in my opinion, not very many guys can pull off red, blue, and black as great as you. And no guy can pull off a plaid shirt with striped swim trunks (though they aren’t completely striped) except you. We’ve never even kissed, but I know if we did, it would be straight out of the movies, if not better. The more I think about you, the more my emotions swing. I’m so happy that I found someone so perfect for me so close to home—considering you’re my neighbor and all—but I also get extremely depressed, because I know I’ll never be able to have you, and some other girl will snatch you up. I know you probably don’t feel the same way because you’re already talking about other girls (and feeling terrible about it, which you shouldn’t). Once I leave, you’ll hardly ever see me, so it’s completely understandable that you’ll forget about me. But I will never forget about this summer. You made this the most incredible summer of my life, and I will never forget you. You turned it into a song out of the movie “Grease.”
I know it sounds crazy, and even writing it down makes me feel crazy, but I think this summer I might have fallen in love.