• I ruined you for life.

    by  • August 26, 2010 • Betrayal, Cheating, Hope, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    The first time we spoke to one another, you were cussing me out because of some rumor about me and your then-girlfriend. I had liked you from the beginning, so we started talking. You never saw me coming. We fell in love early on, and I knew you were the one for me. I pursued you for a month straight. If you asked me, I couldn’t tell you why I wanted, needed you so badly. Like a child nagging its parents for a toy. Christmas eve, I told you I would ask you one last time, and if you said no, then I would be the greatest friend to you. You should’ve seen my face when you said yes. My heart had never frozen before.

    I became paranoid, scared to have you in my life. If you had asked me then, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you why. Later on, you would tell me you rejected me all during December because you knew you would love me until the end of time. I then realized that’s why I was so afraid, because I didn’t know why at first, but I was slowly realizing it.

    Two years later, and I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. I will never let myself live down cheating on you. While I wasn’t the one who kissed her, and though I was drunk, it isn’t a reason, it’s an excuse. A reason would justify it, and this doesn’t deserve it. You’re afraid to trust me, six months later, afraid to love me. And while I’ve grown so much since, ready for a family and a home, you can’t bring yourself to fully want those things. And I deserve it.

    Everyday I try my best to show you how much I love you in every little thing I do. Even when we fight, the only thing I want to do is curl into you and whisper sweet nothings. But I can’t; you will never be the same person. It’s amazing how easily something can change someone. When I look in your eyes, I see a defensive wall. But you’re still there, just underneath the surface, beckoning me closer. A war of heart and mind. I know the feeling.

    I will never stop loving you, and I will always be there for you. Death couldn’t stop me. My Roo, I patiently (sometimes impatiently, but I’m doing better on that) await for you to see that you can trust me. I’ll wait as long as I need to. You’re worth it.

    Tu media de naranja. Te amo, todo y para siempre.

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