You have spent so much time telling me that this person is terrible for not being in love with me, even though I feel so much for him and even though we would be great together. His reasons are shallow and hurtful and thoughtless and unfair and you’ve stated as much and you think he’s an idiot for thinking them.
And I finally realized what you’ve been trying to get me to understand for so long: That I should spend less time chasing after men who will never want to be with me, and look for someone who will make me happy. That I deserve better, that I’m wonderful, that I should find someone who thinks the world of me.
You told me you think the world of me.
One day, completely by mistake and without warning, I fell head over heels for you.
Maybe it was the way you looked at me that time I saw you when I hadn’t in months… or that you tell me you think I’m incredible. Maybe it was when you said “Where were you ten years ago?” or maybe that you pick me up when we hug, or it could be how protective you are for me. But somehow, somehow I got it into my head that you would be that guy you keep saying I need to find. That you’d be nice to me, and care about me, and think the world of me.
Well, I must have missed something in everything you’ve been saying, because you just made it clear that I am not what you want, either.
I am not what you want.
Maybe your reasons are more easily justified. But the truth is in the end it doesn’t really matter why. I am tired of hearing the whys. The end is, you do not want me.