Four months ago today, I could hug you and tell you how much I love you. How we were all going through this together and that’s why we would pull though, because we’ve done it before and we’ll do it again. In 3 days it will be four months since you left without saying goodbye. I won’t ever stop asking myself, if I could save your life once why couldn’t I have done it twice?
Every day I think about something that you’re going to miss. I’m growing up, Mom. I’m 18 today, and I miss you more than ever. I’m putting everything I have into being strong but I don’t even really know what that means. I’m not ready to grow up without you. I’m not ready to grow up at all. I’m scared beyond belief, I’m terrified.
Even though we have so much family, and so many friends who are there to support my dad, brother, and I, I can’t help but feel lost and alone. I’m at a place where I never thought I’d be in life. I didn’t even know that feeling like this existed. I don’t know how to do this without you and Grandma, and I really don’t know anything about anything, anymore.
I have so much more to say to you. I love you, I miss you, and I’m sorry.