I want to believe that it all meant something that what happened between us would eventually make it’s way to me with clarity but it hasn’t. Everything is still so…awful, i honestly cannot even find the strength to even try. I accept that you are indeed two years younger than me; and that you were easily swayed to believe that I’d do such despicable things. You were my best friend Rosea, and yes i am using your nickname if you happen to ever come across this, you’ll know who i am.
I want to forget that night, and the following nine hours. Its honestly really pathetic to recall, why did you react that way? it’s driving me insane!! I didn’t do anything wrong and you and your boy gang sets me up stone cold, and don’t fucking deny it, you know you’re the faulty one here…god i meant it when i said you were LITERALLY the ONLY friend my damn over protective lazy parents let me see ever. i had friends at school, they are good ones none the less, but you….haha you my friend, were the best. i saw you almost everyday and weekend for sixteen years. but then you forced me to end it, you cornered me, making me a choice, something to throw around for a couple days until you finally made up your mind if you were to keep me or toss me aside.
i loved you so much,..shit i still do, i have a sister, who doesn’t even act like one; you made up for that. i confided in you with everything. i thought we had the kind of friendship that could never die, but i was wrong. i underestimated your capacity for cruelty.
Because of you, i think about that damn moment i sropped you and saw you crying ready to rip the spine out of the fucker who hurt you, but what do you say? you say “i heard you” and what the hell! why pack a hunters knife with you? what did you think i was going to shank you?! that just makes you the screw up all the more.
i thought that after a year and 15 days i’d talk to you again, see if we can make it right for three reasons; one: i needed someone, i have felt so alone and abandoned you shattered my heart and i didn’t have other friends “outside” of school to talk to NO ONE. i guess what i am trying to say is i wanted to believe you can make it better, sense you use to be able to make me smile no matter how hurt i was; unfortunately, i got nothing out of it…i told you what i like to call half-truth, i hated myself after i got home because i told you all that stuff, pitiful huh? the second reason is that i thought that if i did try you’d equally confide back into me, but that was stupid too wasn’t it, no your doing all the things you accused me of and that made me hate you more.
i can’t wait til i am out of this dump of a town because i did EVERYTHING with you all around town, where we live, etc….the memories never go away. i am unhappy, lonely, pissed off and i’d really like to kill you someday, but guess what, i still love you. don’t ask how that works. just…have a good life you lying , betraying bitch, i hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted…than you lose it all.