• I wish

    by  • August 24, 2010 • Grief, Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple, Marriage, Regret • 0 Comments

    unbelievable how much it hurt when i found out you married her. but you know that. do you really love her? how can you possibly tell me that you love me then go and ask another woman to marry you? i dont get it. you sobbed like a little boy that day.. then pretty much asked her the next day. what was it about me that made you so unable to commit? i wasnt even asking for a commitment. why did your mother cry her eyes out to me and ask why i let you go? I didn’t let you go. why did u always keep our relationship such a secret? were u ashamed of me? was i not good enough for you?

    well there’s these things that I can never say to you. but i need to get them out of my head. it’s been too long and i can’t keep crying over you.

    i regret ever meeting you. its horrible to feel that way. but we could-i could- have had a very different life. i wish i never stopped to talk to you that day in the mall almost ten years ago, when you had no idea who i was. i wish i’d never responded to your emails for 3 years after that. i wish i’d never come to see you in that hotel… . i didn’t even like you. i thought you were short and too smooth. i wish you had never come to visit me every second weekend for a year. i wish i’d never fallen in love with you. i wish you didn’t write me the sweetest poetry that i burned last week. i wish we didn’t spend those days at a time in my bed. i wish you never gave me that stupid necklace that i loved. i wish you never went to colombia. and then tell me you were moving there. i should have known then. u broke my heart then. i shouldn’t be surprised that u you’d do it again.

    you say that you look back on our relationship and it’s like a sweet memory, i’m sorry i dont feel the same. you’re like a rotten taste in my mouth. i never wanted to feel that way. i still love you. if i could stop, trust me…. i would. i hate myself for the way i feel about you. you know i couldn’t even look in the mirror for months? i hate myself. i hated that you were able to make me feel like such garbage without even knowing it. you still do.

    in any case. i hope she appreciates you for who you are, if you’ve even let her see the real you. I’m done. not that u care. just dont screw her over like u did to me.

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