• Father.

    by  • August 24, 2010 • Family Stuff, Frustration, Lost Love, Parents • 2 Comments

    It has been… well.. i am now 22 and the last time i saw you, I was in 5th grade. Even then it’d been years since i’d seen you last and I only saw you because it was your dad’s funeral.

    I was told the story of how you and mother separated. Regardless of the reason… I hated you for leaving us. Just abandoning my brother and I. I remember keeping in contact with you when I was about 4 or 5. I don’t remember when the phone stopped ringing. I hated you so much. In 7th grade, I remember thinking, if I ever saw you again, I’d bitch slap you in the face. Yes. That’s right. That’s how angry I was at you.

    But now that I have grown up a little bit, I can only assume that you’re THAT ashamed to call us or contact us in any way now. Or you’re just scared of my mother. I had your phone number by the way… 2 years ago. I was going to call you. But I didn’t know what to say. I was all the way in Australia and you were all the way back home. The biggest problem, I think, was how I was gonna introduce myself after like a decade of no contact. Do I even call you dad? Do I call you mister? What the F am I supposed to call you?

    Anyway back to the point… whether you’re a scared little shit, or you just don’t give a fuck about any of us, I still would like to meet you sometime. I have used my superb research skills trying to find your email address or whatever. Something.. but nothing. Since you’re a bit old I guess you’re not on the internet much…

    If i ever find myself back home again… I’m coming for you. And I want answers. I want to know why you stopped calling, I want to know your side of the story even though I probably don’t need to hear it, I want some god damn answers.

    2 Responses to Father.

    1. Faryne
      August 24, 2010 at 7:31 pm

      I know exactly what you’re feeling. You pretty much described the exact situation going on with me and my father. Except the last time I saw him was at work when I was about 17 or 18 (I am 22 as well). I helped him find a sugar dispenser and he never even realized who I was and I was too afraid and didn’t exactly know what to say. So, I just didn’t say anything…

    2. Alex
      September 2, 2010 at 6:19 pm

      I remember that anger. I thought maybe he had died and the thought didn’t move me at all. I hope you find your peace girl

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