You have to know how much I love you. We’ve only been friends for five years but I’ve wanted to be more the entire time. I’ve told you this several times before and every time you’ve had the best possible attitude about it that a guy could ask for.
To everyone around me I’m just the funny kid. Maybe some of them assume there’s greater depth to me that they just don’t care to discover. Or maybe I don’t let them in. But regardless, I always let you in. You know me as me, the same way that I know myself. There are so few people that no how serious and sad I can be.
I love every minute I’ve ever spent with you. I shoved romances to the side for five years just to retain the special connection we have, hanging on to the fragile hope that someday you’ll finally see me in a different light. For five years, this day has not come. Now we’re in college, with 3 time zones in between us. Texting you helps me make it through some of the tougher days.
Now that we are where we are I have to be convinced that my small shrivel of hope has finally dissolved into nothing. Yet somehow I just can’t believe that. You’re the closest I’ve ever come to a girlfriend and I don’t know how to get over you. Getting over you would mean losing one of my only outlets for pure self expression. Who will I be if I lose you?
You have to know I feel this way, although I’ll never be able to tell you, for fear of what I might become.