you’re just this empty shell of a boy who had his heart broken in high school. you’re nothing more than a black hole of emotion, a place where no love can reside again.
and i thought i could change that. i thought i could be the one who could make you happy again. i thought that you and i were going to be something. that you and i were going to conquer the world, change the world, be the difference. we had so many plans. we had so many things in common. i thought you were everything i wanted, and vice versa.
but once again, she took winner in this race. she didn’t have to do anything but say some quick, witty lines and take a few “indie” pictures of her next to an ocean, and she was yours. and thats all it took. everything i did wasn’t nearly enough. i listened to you, i held your hand while you cried, i told you that everything was going to be okay. i told you that i would be there for you. i woke up at 3 in the morning to listen to you talk about how you wanted to change. and i had hope. i had hope that maybe you were realizing that i was your miracle sun, i was the one who would love you for you. because i do. i honestly do.
i love the way you smile, i love the way you laugh at my stupid jokes, i love the way you make me feel when we sit and talk in the parking lot for three hours. i love the way you say my name when you tell me goodnight, and the way you watch me come down the stairs from my apartment. i love the way you play my favorite song, even though you hate anberlin, and i love the way you joke and tease me. but i hate the emptiness inside you. i hate seeing you smile, but missing the usual spark in your eyes. i hate it when anyone mentions your ex’s name, and you close up. i hate it when you tell yourself you don’t deserve to be loved. i hate it when you knew how i felt about you, and you would tell me how perfect your past love has been. i hate how i opened up to you and told you everything thats happened to me. i was vulnerable and now i feel exposed.
tonight, something was off. something was different. you weren’t there. you were cold, and mean and you wouldn’t say a word to me. i felt like i had suddenly lost my best friend and the boy i adore, and was left with someone from my past. as i dropped you off at your house, i cried. i cried because i had no idea what i had done to deserve this. especially since i had waited 5 hours for you to at least reply to me. you told me you’d make me cry, and look at what happened. i don’t cry very easily. my trust has been broken so much just in the last couple of weeks and i cant even.. i cant breathe anymore. i’m tired of this game of tag we’re playing. i’m tired of being the girl that is the rebound, but not even that. im just the girl that everyone can use. i’m the doormat. and i’m done. i’m done watching the boys that i adore get back with the girls that left them in this shit hole anyways.
if she makes you happy, then fuck.. go for it. just do something to bring back the old you i know. i want to see your smile again. i want to joke and laugh again. i just want you back, even if that means watching you be happy with someone else.