I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you. I’ll never forgive myself for being so stupid for so long, because it’s only today that I REALLY realized how much I need you. I will never find anyone else that matches me so perfectly.
I miss us being stupid together.
I miss holding each other for so long and so deeply, like we would never let go. I miss your green eyes, they always saw straight through my coffee browns. I miss your hands in my hands. I miss getting as wasted as we could handle, just us and a bottle of captain, running down your street singing songs so loud and beautifully that we both would cry. I miss reading each others thoughts and finishing each others sentences. I miss your soul, your love, your voice, your arms, your friendship.
You’re the best friend that I’ve had in this lifetime.
You were my calm ocean, my left shoulder angel.
I found the notebook that I made for you for our (first) 4 month anniversary, when we were 16, and I re-read everything, I desperately wanted the missing pages to not be missing. There were so many that were ripped out, I wanted so badly to be able to know what thoughts of yours they had once contained. When I kept journals I would always have hidden pages, the ones that you would find if you flipped through the book. I flipped through the pages of that journal a dozen times today. I would have given anything to have found a hidden page, on which “It was only a dream” was written in gold ink that matched our golden hearts. They’re made of rust now.