We can’t all be great writers like you, and right now what I’m saying is straight from my stream of consciousness. I wasn’t going for eloquence here… but I’m writing this to you because I knew I probably wasn’t going to get a chance to say any of this to your face, even though I wanted to. I realized that I was probably going to face this situation with you sooner or later, where it gets to the point where you’re just running away from trying to face me. And I don’t know why.
I still don’t know why we broke up really. I have no idea what you’re doing with your life or why you felt the need to cut me out of it. I have no idea if any of the things you said to me over our ten month relationship were true. But I really hope they were. I realized now how much of you is really tied in with who I am today. Everywhere I look I’m surrounded by traces of you. I can’t turn on my ipod without listening to a song that you shared with me. I can’t drive down the road near my house without passing by the empty field where we used to lay in the marigolds. Sometimes I just can’t look up at the stars without thinking about all the times I was in your arms, looking up at the sky and talking to you about the constellations or how small I felt in comparison to the rest of the universe. I miss the loud “vroom” of your car coming up the street. I miss how you would take care of me when I was sick or even just upset, and how you’d bring me tea or rub my back to make me feel better. I miss the song you wrote for me, it really did become my favorite song to listen to when I needed to be cheered up. I miss our random adventures to towns we had never heard of. I miss dancing with you, and how you didn’t get mad at me even when I stepped on your feet while waltzing. I miss waking up beside you and seeing that perfect, loving smile on your face. I miss every word, every laugh, every cry, every kiss, every hug, every moment that I spent with you or even just thinking about you. You were more than just my boyfriend, or my lover… you really did become my best friend, and one of the only men that I have ever fully trusted. You will always hold a special place in my heart that will not be filled by anyone else.
However, I also understand that in your life, I am not what you need right now. And I love you so much that I will stand by and let you live your life and do what you need to do in order to obtain the happiness you deserve. I really hope you get everything you want and work for. You’re an amazing person, even when you don’t think you are.
I hope that one day you’ll look back and think of me and the time we spent together, and smile. I really hope that one day I will get to see you again, and we can just sit and talk as if nothing changed. I hope that you and I will someday continue our adventures. I want nothing more in this life than to look in your eyes and still call you my friend. But if we don’t find our way back into each others lives, just know that I will always love you forever. And if you ever need me, I will never, ever abandon you.
You’re still my reason.