• One more

    by  • August 22, 2010 • Betrayal, Grief, Heartbreak, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Regret • 0 Comments

    Dear Person I don’t want to remember

    There’s so many things I want to say. And, well, I’m gonna keep writing till I get all of these things off my chest. I don’t want to hate love, really I don’t. I used to believe that it was one of the most wonderful things that could and would ever happen to someone. I don’t want to claim you as My Ex-Boyfriend cause that means that we had something. I don’t want to call you my Person because that implies that we have something. I don’t want to be around go to your house only to be used. Maybe things would be easier if you just Admitted it. Or not…Maybe I would have the guts to let you go…or not. You’ve managed to distort my vision, I don’t know who I can trust.I don’t want a relationship cause I really don’t want to go through all of the pain I’ve gone through with you. But I know not every Man is like that. I’ll find someone who will love me and cherish me and I’ll be their Princess. They won’t leave me for someone else And they’ll know what they have with me. I won’t be use and toyed with. I won’t be strung along and told lies.

    I hope that you learn what you had with me that no one will deal with your bullshit. That I truly loved you. Yes, I went mad those last few months but that was your fault. Telling me that you didn’t know what was going on with you and your feelings. But you knew exactly what you were doing. You were going after someone else cause you knew maybe this time you had a chance. But it didn’t work out. That whole time we’d sleep with each other while you were going after her. You told her I was nothing to you. Nothing. Like you never told Me that You loved me with your whole life. That you couldn’t imagine your life without me and you know what that might be true…And I’ve told you the same that I can’t imagine my life without you. But I’ve lied so many times about it. I can imagine My Life without You. But a part of me doesn’t want to do that. I stood by your side while you went through all of those awful things that happend to you. I’ve told your Family how much I love you and I know that they can see it. I’ve gotten close to your family. And I care about them and I’m basically apart of your family. But I don’t want to be introduced as your girlfriend when you know that we’re not that. I’m pretty sure you don’t want me in your life like that. You want me around because you don’t want to be alone. You want me around until you find a replacement. And I know it and I take it. I can’t believe that I do. I don’t want to wait anymore And I don’t want to pressure you into getting back with me. So I’m here to let you know I’m Done. I’m Fed up with you and your lies and the looks and the hugs and the kisses and your touch. I’m tired of only being in bed and receiving those thing. When we’re in public we act as if we’re nothing. Which I guess we are. This is the last time I want to cry for you. I’m crying while writing this Listening to our song. Thinking of everything that happened. Hell You never wanted me. You told me yourself. From the beginning I was something to prove to the guys.

    You might have loved me but the whole time you wanted someone else and you totally went for it. But she didn’t want you the way you wanted her. Your perfect girl…Something I wasn’t. I’m not well endowed something you look for in a girl I dont’ have the perfect body and I never will. I’ve felt ashamed of my body because of you. I’ve thought no guy would want me because of that. And the only guy that I thought was perfect I left for you because you wanted me back. He was absolutely perfect for me. He loved me for who I was. Not for who I wasn’t. He loved me when I looked like absolute shit. I could have had mascara running down my face and he thought I looked beautiful. You didn’t…The only way you thought I look Hot was if i was wear next to nothing. Booty shorts and a small shirt. You never called me beautiful yet you called Her that. You loved my contacts..And then i realized she wore the same thing. My perfect guy hated those. He thought I hid what I was and told me so. He perfered me for me. You didn’t. You lied and you never want to meet your family. But for her hell you wanted to take her. You made plans. And the only reason you did take me was cause I made you. I’m done wasting my time on a lost cause. I don’t want to be left or told all of those lies. And I tried the last time.Asking you out and you told me no right away. You didn’t even bother to try. I’m done jumping through hoops for you. Choosing to leave my family friends and anyone I was with for you. When I know that you will never do that for me. You say I’m clingy but that’s because I want you to love Me. Love me the way you say you do.

    You may or may not be over me. I don’t care anymore.I’m done playing games I’ve deleted your number. I want to delete the pictures I have of you.but somehow I can’t. Not to worry though I will maybe not now but soon. Just give me time. Really that’s all I need. Some time. I don’t want to hear your voice again I don’t want to feel your touch. I’m gonna be strong that. I’m not gonna call you text you. I’m gonna forget you and A few years from now They’ll ask me about you and I’ll say Who??? I’ll fall in love with someone that does deserve me.

    I changed for you and you didn’t you say you tried but I don’t think you did…Maybe you did and you didn’t try hard enough. Maybe you did. I don’t know. I don’t want to know ever again. I don’t want to hear from you ever again. I’ll think about you for now every once a while. Every day for a while you’ll pop into my head..But you’ll slowly go away and this time you won’t drag me into you ever again. I’ll have more resolve to let you go. To have you let go of me. I’m done belittling myself for you. I’m worth so much more then you can give me.

    I’ll never call you and I won’t break my resolve I don’t care anymore If YOU can’t live with out me. I can! I know I can! I’m not gonna run around in circles anymore. Wondering if you love me enough to stay. But Maybe you can love me enough to let me go. But knowing your selfish asshole of a self you won’t want to. But I love myself enough to stop hurting myself to stop deluding myself with those lies coming from your mouth. We won’t get married. We won’t have kids. We won’t sleep together. I feel used and disgusting after we do. I feel cheap. This last time was the last straw for me.

    So once you wonder how come I haven’t chased after you and you come for me..I’ll ignore it. I’ll turn a blind eye for you. I won’t recognize you if we ever run into each other. I’ll forget all the pain I put myself through with you. And maybe One Day you’ll see me with my New Lover and remember how much i loved you. And miss me and want to reach out to me. But I’ll just glide by with Him And not even give you a passing glance..Because by then…I’ll have forgotten all the things you did to me.

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