• I’m done with crying over you

    by  • August 22, 2010 • Breaking Up, Cheating, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, The Ex • 0 Comments

    Man it’s so hard to say this..but i know that it’s time for me to let go. It’s been five months since we’ve broken up. You say that you do want to get back together but I know in my heart that it’s not true. You’re just saying it so you can still do what we’ve been doing. And I’ve been going along with it because I’m still hoping that maybe you’ll realize that you do want me.

    You cheated on me and you left me plenty of times. But before you’ve left you’ve told me that you needed me, that you wanted to marry me and all of those things and I believed it because silly of me..I still want those things.

    I’ve semi sort of moved on..but not really. I see you basically every week but only for one thing. You won’t call me or text me ever. Only to tell me that you want one thing. You always say oh I was gonna…but you never do anything. You were talking about marriage.. And that’s what always makes me think that maybe…maybe it’ll happen.

    But I’m tired of being played with. I’m not a doll, I’m not your toy. You still make me cry and yesterday made me hate myself for doing all of this for you. I gave so much to receive so little in return. Yeah, I’m not denying it, I’ve hurt you enough, too. So maybe it’s best if we just forget each other. I’m tired of crying over you. Waiting by my phone wondering if you’re gonna call me…maybe to see how I’m doing…just to bug me…just cause you know..I popped into your head and you wondered what I was doing.

    You call me hun, Babe and I want to tell you to stop, to not call me those things cause they give me hope. Even right now as I’m writing I want to check my phone and see..maybe this time you’re gonna tell me something. But I know deep in my heart you’re not gonna. There’s only one reason why you would.

    So I’m gonna leave you. And yes…deep in my heart I want to tell you what I’m gonna do. But I know from the many times that I’ve said it you’re gonna beg me not to leave, that you need me, that you don’t want me out of your life.

    But I want you out of mine.I love you deeply and I wish things didn’t turn out this way. But they did. And it hurts me more to know that you don’t love me anymore, that you want anyone else but me, that you’re not willing to work this out, that you’d rather go chase a piece of ass that won’t care about you the way I do, that I keep replaying everything that happened with us. All the good times and the Bad. How you broke my heart by telling me that you didn’t love me anymore. That you cared for someone else. Gosh…that killed me.

    Here’s the truth. I love you so much. But I hate you, too. I want to feel you I want to be held by you be told that you do love me and that I’m the only one for you. But I want you away from me, to never see you again or hear from you ever again. I never want to make these mistakes ever again with you. And I hope if you ever find out that I’m with someone that you please PLEASE leave me alone and let me be happy. Can I please be happy without you? Don’t ask me to take you back. Don’t say that you’re not asking me to leave the person with but you’re asking me to get back with you. I’m tired of your games all of your lies.

    I’m sorry I fell in love with you. My best friend, the man I gave a chance to because I thought that you would be the one that wouldn’t break my heart. I’m sorry I gave you chance after chance when I knew that you weren’t all I thought you’d be. I’m sorry for not listen to my friend and your friends that you weren’t worth all the pain. And all your friends tell me that you aren’t much. You’re a dick. Mainly recently that YOUR friend who I don’t talk to much, told me that he thought you were so stupid to have left me for her. That I was so much better than her and you were an idiot to have left me for her. Wow..you have no idea how much that meant to me, to have heard that. And you have no idea how much I want to get away from you even if that means I have to leave my family.

    I wish I had never given you my number, to let you know anything that I’ve been doing. But you don’t know that I’m heading to your school to study. So that’s the beginning of it. I’m not telling you anything anymore and I hope you wonder what happened to me and you call me and I won’t pick up. I’ll ignore you. And move on with my life. Something I should have done such a long time ago.

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