It is because of you that my happiness is always just one step too far away. You were the one person who was supposed to stay with me, who was supposed to not leave, when all the other boys did. You were supposed to be there for me, keep me from getting sad, and keep mum from worrying so much.
I imagine life if you were there. You’d drive me places, and we’d go out for dinner and you’d spoil mum and she’d be happy and we’d all be happy. You two wouldn’t have ever fought, and you wouldn’t have abused her. We could be like every other happy family I see in the world. But instead, I’m stuck sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else enjoy having a father. Every day I see instances of fathers loving their kids and their wives. Why couldn’t you be like that? Why couldn’t you be normal, or have stayed and fixed yourself?
I hate you for what you’ve done, and for everything you still do.
Why do you get a second chance at life, why do you get to start again?
Why do we have to be stuck here, picking up the pieces off your wreck.
You make me sick. I hope to never see you again.
But at the same time, I need you. I need who you were supposed to be.
The person you should’ve been.
I need a father, and because of you, I will never ever get one.
I will always have a missing piece inside myself, and I will never be able to live happily.
You’ve ruined my life.