• Chill. I got this.

    by  • August 22, 2010 • Breaking Up, Letting Go, Lost Love • 3 Comments

    Hey you!

    So I heard that since this happened you’ve been unhappy. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I genuinely hope that it’s not. I should want you to hurt for all the shit you’ve put me through… but I can’t bring myself to it.

    This letter is to tell you… I’ve got this.

    I. Have. Got. This.

    It took me a little bit, but now I’ve got my feet back under me and I’m walking away. I just thought that you should know. I can’t play your jealously games anymore. I can’t play your “I don’t care but…”s. I can’t stick around in this fucked up situation for scraps of affection. I can’t do this. It’s not like I haven’t been in this relationship all by myself for the past year anyway. You’re incredibly self absorbed. I tried to ignore it while we were dating… but it always grated at me and I think you knew that. I won’t ignore it any longer.

    So right now. At this very instant… I am letting go. I’m pulling up out of this hole that I’ve dug to protect myself and I’m taking you on. I’m ready to burn some mother fucking bridges today, my love. I have god damned whiplash from how many times you’ve pushed my away and pulled me back. I’m dizzy. I’m lost. And I’m determined to make myself a-oh-fucking-kay.

    I’ve depended on you for far too long, my dear. I realize that now. So… here I go. On my own. Without you. And for some reason I’m calm about that. I think in the past three years I’ve lost a lot of myself to you. I’m starting to find little pieces of myself broken and pushed away in my mind. I’m stronger than I thought. A lot. I don’t need you. Period. I want you. But as far as needing you goes… I’m good.

    Also… you know when I said that I didn’t want you to hurt? I take that back. I do. But no… not right now. Right now I want you to go out. I want you to have your fun. I absolutely NEED you to do those things that you broke up with me to do. Smoke, drink, fuck around. Do it. Lots of it. And when all that is over… when you’ve had you’re fun… I want that doubt to creep back in. I want you to realize what you pushed away. And then… then I want you to hurt. I want it to hurt badly. Even a fraction of what I’ve been through for you would be acceptable.

    Because… I love you. And I’m letting go.

    So Goodbye,

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    3 Responses to Chill. I got this.

    1. TMarie
      September 9, 2010 at 3:28 pm

      This is the most empowering thing I’ve ever read. Ever. I’m in love with the way you write. Its real, unedited, and raw.


    2. lisa
      September 22, 2010 at 1:30 pm

      Unreal. Eerie. Loves it. You’ve managed to write and express the hurt and strength I’ve experienced. Kudos and many loves to you.


    3. .
      April 10, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      “I want you to hurt. I want it to hurt badly. …

      Because… I love you.”

      And that is love?



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