• If You Were A Robot, You Would Tell Me. Right?

    by  • August 21, 2010 • Confusion, To Everybody • 0 Comments

    I have a fixation with robots. Frankly, I can’t blame myself: let’s face it, we’re surrounded. On the other hand, I might just think we are surrounded because of this fixation. What came first? the multitude of robots or the obsessed girl? I don’t know; and I doubt that I ever will, that is of course until I see my life flash before me as I lay on my deathbed (which will probably itself be a robot). Or maybe I won’t ever know the answer to this riddle of the ages (even on my deathbed) for I will have failed to consider the 3rd possible answer. The correct possible answer. Maybe I am a robot. Does one know if they are a robot? I wouldn’t think so, seeing as I don’t know that I’m not a robot. But what’s in a name? Would a robot by any other name… be a robot? (All these questions and so few answers!) This leads us to the ultimate query: what is a robot? I, as a matter of fact, have been blessed with this greater knowledge, which I shall now share with you:

    1) Computer and Computer-Like Machines (CCLM): This type of robot does not require too much explanation. Calculators, game systems, treadmills, furnaces, my boom box etc. Pretty much if it’s got wiring that I do not understand then it’s a CCLM. These robots are so incredibly helpful but they are also guilty for making the human race a lazy race. Mental math? Books? Good ol’ hikes? Blankets? Live music? My friends, these and many other will someday be extinct as well as moving and thinking in general. See WALL-E, it depicts these robots (and their users) brilliantly. This category has a sub-(but still very relevant)-categories:

    1.5) Classic robot (C-bot): You know, like on the Jetsons or 2001 a Space Odyssey (neither of which I have seen, funnily enough). I can’t guarantee that these guys are gonna make it big, but they are quite a lot of fun to think about and carve into soap. Try it!
    1.75) Mirrors (with a capital M, they are too be r-e-s-p-e-c-t(ed)): They aren’t truly in fact robots, more like honorary-bots. The fact of the matter is, I simply do not understand how they work. Don’t even bother trying to explain Mirrors to me though, for many have tried time and time again but physics ain’t my thing, robots are.

    2) Simple Machine robots (SM robo’s): Now, I only call them simple machines because that’s what I learned to call them in Gr. 4 (although en francais it was “les machines simple”). Pulleys, hammers, paper fans and zippers all fall into this category of so called simple machines but personally, I find them nearly as mind boggling as Mirrors.

    3) C-bot Wanna-Be’s (C-bot WB): This is where it starts to get touchy. Caution! The rest of this is not intended for the faint hearted! Anyway, these are people who dance. Maybe they are purposely imitating the ever-adored c-bot, or maybe the poor soul is challenged with the concept of moving-with-the music. Please, do not poke fun at these people, for you might be one of these “poor souls”. I guess that that makes you a robot of sorts. One question’s been answered.

    4) Seemingly Emotionless People robots (Seprobo): common characteristics included dull, monotone voice, absence of laughter, gaiety and compassion of any sort, and a lack of care for the well being and happiness of other individuals. We all know them but please do not go around asking people if they are a Seprobo. Don’t tell people that they are such things either for it’s rude and show’s a lack of compassion for their well being (Maybe ’tis you who is the robot!).

    5) Those Who Give Up Their Identity (TW-guti): These people frustrate me beyond belief. Some call them lambs, others call them followers, but they are in fact a type of robot since I do not understand the wiring of their brains. Why not be yourself? It’s so much easier and every children’s TV show that you have ever seen has probably told you to not be one of these. Admiration for someone is one thing; it’s great to pick up they’re great habits, but clones are creepy. I’m sounding really cliche (the e has an accent), so I’ll just say that I deeply recommend never taking up this way of life or giving it up NOW (for those who are currently living it).

    I know that I am missing details and other robots but hey, I’m human (or so I think…). For now let’s just leave it at 1 more:

    6 & Conclusion) People Inhabited by robots (Pib bot’s): This scares me… rather a lot actually. Maybe your best friend/uncle/mail carrier is actually a robot and you don’t know it. Maybe ALL our brains are in vats of liquid that Sims (who are robots) are controlling and moderating. Big people in big business are developing these virtual reality helmets that will make them big money. I think that the idea is that after a long day, you put on the helmet and it “takes” the mind (not literally, it ain’t a teleporter), it tricks the mind into believing that you’re in a different location (like the hollodeck on Star Trek). Who know’s (if you do actually know, please let me know!), maybe we’re already in such a place. All the information our brain receives comes from out 5 sense. What if our 5 little “friends” are actually tricking us. This all scares me deeply but it fascinates me even more. I have decided that even if we are all robots, I don’t really care because I am loving life no matter what is actually going on. I have laughed and cried. I have loved and come quite close to hating. I’ve felt hope and jealously and it’s hard to imagine that all of this could be anything less than real. But hey, they also said that airplanes would never and fly and boy did those Wrights show ’em wrong! Anyway, to let me rest easy, if you were a robot, you’d tell me, right?

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