• Forever, your friend.

    by  • August 19, 2010 • Betrayal, Friends, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, To You • 0 Comments

    Hi Hello, (I won’t ask how you’re doing nor how your life is going):

    I know this might seem like a pathetic message out of the blue, but honestly this is the only way I was able to contact you. I’m not here to try and start a conversation that’ll lead me to no where, I’m here to let a few things off my chest..to clear my conscience in a way.

    You left without notice, not like i’m a fucking apt for rent or anything, but you just left. If our friendship meant ANYTHING to you, you would have contacted me to AT LEAST say bye and thanks for whatever it was I did for you. You can’t bullshit me and say that you had no way of contacting me because there IS myspace and worst of all, you KNOW my home phone number by memory.

    I don’t ‘love’ you anymore because over time you (as in people in general) tend to get over what was lost way back. And I’ve learned that what I had for you wasn’t even love to begin with, but infatuation (don’t know the word?, look it up, that’s what I had to do).

    I DID care about you though. You DID mean a whole lot to me though. But I’m guessing all that was because of the absence of communication with my own family at that, and my only outlet was you. I felt that I needed something around me to huddle and cuddle with, something I can express all my love to seeing as I couldn’t do it with anyone else.

    You were my escape.

    I know that probably Araceli meant more to you than I ever did. But I can honestly speak for myself and say that I feel that that was only true because she was always up for crime and distress with you.

    I wanted a future for you.

    I tried REALLY hard to get you to do better in school Jacqueline, I really did. I focused heavily on the reasons why you kept fucking up and tried to figure out ways of recuperation for you.

    But nothing EVER worked for you.

    Maybe you ARE cursed. Maybe that ouija board shit you played back in your day DID fuck you over.

    But one thing’s for sure, everyone has the strength to make their decisions for THEMSELVES.

    And that’s where your abandonment kicked in.

    You were too careless, and too stubborn for us.

    I mean, I honestly can care less now about a ‘relationship’ with you. I’m over that phase. But I can’t get over the fact that you left without giving me some kind of benefit of the doubt. I need closure.

    I could’ve helped you.

    But maybe this was a good thing for me 🙂 I got straight A’s my 11th and 12th grade. I was in principal’s honor roll for both years. AND I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL WITH EXCESSIVE CREDITS.

    Denise played a huuuuge role in that, and that’s only because i can see myself growing old with her 🙂 And that being said, i need a good education, for a good job, for a successful being with Denise. A successful future.

    And I wanted all of that for you. (except the future together thing). I wanted to see you walk that stage with me. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Yet then again I can’t really say what you have and haven’t done in these past few years, seeing that I have no clue as to where on this planet you’re on and what the fuck you’ve been doing in it either.

    But even yet, I still need closure. And maybe my self conscience is right? Maybe you won’t be able to reply seeing that your boyfriend might beat the shit out of you again. Or maybe you will, because since the LAST time i spoke to you, you said he changed. Maybe that is or isn’t true. Maybe he learned to accept that the one you love may do a few things you might not agree with and that that’s no reason to beat the living shit out of them with a fucking bat.

    Seeing you in that position fucking HURT me Jackie. But what the fuck am I supposed to do when you don’t talk to me for ages, and you come out of the blue with bruises and broken legs to me?

    I KNOW that you changed the moment you hugged me and that i didn’t give you that same affection in return. Cuz had that been a year prior, i would’ve hugged the shit out of you, kissed you, huddled in a corner and cuddled with you and whispered the world’s sweetest and most comforting words in your ear. But that day jackie, that fucking day was different. I had changed. I had matured. And when you mature over time, you realize who are your real friends and their purposes in your life. And with the way you treated me, i felt as if you honestly had NO purpose in my life.

    I was a GREAT fucking friend to you. I did anything and everything to fit your comfort. And i NEVER disrespected you. And if i ever did I apologize, i don’t hit you.

    I can’t stress enough how much of a shitty person you are now, in my point of view.
    But it ALWAYS takes two to make things right. … in a friendship, relationship, and all those other ships.

    I was putting in 90 percent while you put 5 and god knows what the fuck happened to the other five.

    I know i’m a genuinely good person, and knowing that…..I feel I didn’t and still don’t deserve to be disrespected the way you did.

    You do NOT deserve me in your life and that’s fact.

    But my point being, i still offer, TO THIS DAY, i STILL offer a sense of comfort:

    Dear Jackie,

    I’m doing great, how about you? I was hoping to hear from you a few years back but i guess you’re busy and all 🙂 I’m applying for jobs everwhere, and filling out my financial aid stuff to get prepared for college and the real world. Denise and I have been together for 2 years this July 7th 🙂 Without breaks by the way. My mom’s doing alright, and so is my sister; although she was diagnosed with severe scoliosis. But hopefully with her spinal surgery she’ll be great in no time. I kept my promise with Mr. Baez and i maintained a solid friendship with his irish looking ass lol. But since he won’t be teaching in the summer, i’m going to have to wait until the fall semester til i get to see him again.

    Denise is now officially a certified EMT, which is an Emergency Medical Technician. (like paramedics 🙂 So i’m now lucky to have a life saving girlfriend haha :]

    Prom was great, we had a fucking blast. And so was gradnight.

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