You are my best friend, just so happens that we’ve hooked up a few times also. I know we wouldn’t be as close as we are now had we not hooked up in the first place and were forced to talk about what happened. And since then we’ve been hooking up for a year but I’m not really sure I understand what is going on between us. You tell me its just for fun, and yeah it is fun and I enjoy it, but I think its more. I think you won’t let yourself admit it or say yes. Just say yes, it would make it all a helluva lot easier. You don’t know how often I get asked, “What’s going on with you and Adam? Are you guys like together or what?” From people that don’t know anything about our relationship – our friendship or the friends with benefits side. They just see us and wonder. I feel like most likely all of these people are wrong. I know how I feel and you know also. I’ve told you many times, and its always the same answer, “I’m sorry but I don’t feel the same way.” Would it be possible that you’re scared to like someone like me, I don’t know that I’m much different from anyone else. May have different goals and wants out of my life, but do I really make you feel that uncomfortable about our relationship or the lack thereof of one? The conversation we had last night about how a guy pursues a girl got me really thinking. I was curious to know what you would think would be obvious to a girl about how you feel about them to see if I think, from the girl’s perspective, if it would in fact be that obvious. They seemed to be very run of the mill actions. Talking, attempting to hang out often, touching in appropriate ways, tickling and making fun of them a lot and so on. If you really don’t feel the same way about me as I feel about you, then why does all of this happen in extremely large amounts? Figure out what you want from me for real. I couldn’t handle us just hooking up and no more coming from your side than just that, so I said no twice. I fucking hated saying no, it was awful and it was hard. And I couldn’t say no anymore, so I didn’t. I initiated it because I wanted you sooo badly. I think you were just trying to respect my wishes of not doing anything by not trying anything and I appreciate that.
I’m ready for it, but I want you to be ready for it too. And I want you to be ready now!