The problem with writing to you six years after the fact is that the details of those nine years get lost in the back of my memory. They collect dust and deteriorate but their effects linger on. You destroyed my family. You took from me what ultimately should have been a happy, painless childhood and you tore it to bits. As a principal, an administrator, a leader, it was your job to be an advocate for the bullied, the picked on, the weak. As a principal it was your job to make sure students like my sister didn’t spend endless hours in the hallway because of a mandate you placed. Instead, you made it okay for other administrators, other teachers to label the picked on as ‘targets’ who ‘asked for it’. You made it okay for those boys to see me as an object. And when you didn’t stand up and protect me before it was too late, it became sexual.
The reason I can’t leave these memories in the attic of my mind is not because they affected me then, but because they affect me now.
Because the family I had turned inward and imploded. Because the person I used to know as my little sister is a complete stranger to me, lost in the throes of her own historical pain. Because the things that happened to me then, affect my romantic relationships now; I am wounded, and I lash out for no apparent reason at times. But I am aware of the reason. I lash out because I am determined to never be a victim again of another man who refuses to protect me. I am determined to never let another ignorant prick decide that I ‘make myself a target’ for those who would take advantage of me. But these determinations have consequences. I often see those who perhaps would not take advantage of me as threats. I have difficulty in jobs, at school.
The question is how many others feel like I do? How many others walked through your school and left changed the way I did. How many others walk around with the same secret pain? How many other families did you determine were ‘problematic’, and must be ‘removed’? I want you to know that I will never look at the Christian faith again the same way. You are not the embodiment of a righteous man. GCA was not ‘God’s School’ it was ‘Dale’s School’ and you have destroyed any semblance of a positive memory of that place for me. I hope one day you are held accountable. I hope one day you know how deeply and profoundly your inaction affected my life. Until then, I will lock these memories in the back of my mind to continue to collect dust.