• Understanding my Mistakes

    by  • August 11, 2010 • Acceptance, Forgiveness, Grief, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You, To You • 0 Comments

    I remember meeting you for the first time earlier this year and from that moment on I knew I wanted you to somehow be in my life. Even though we didn’t reconnect until April, you were what I was waiting for.

    You treated me so well and I know you cared. I cared so much too but at the same time I was afraid of being hurt. I knew you had just broke up with your girlfriend so I didn’t want to be the rebound girl. You cared and I was too blind to see that. I took for granted how nicely you treated me because I didn’t realize it at the time. The short couple of month we spent together made were some of the best months of my life. I remember the food you made me and the songs on the guitar you played me. All this time I wanted to fall for you but I was scared. Scared that you would just end things because I was different. You didn’t and I am such a fool for not letting myself trust you as easily.

    I still remember the night, really one of the worst nights of my life, that things ended between us. It was my fault. Even though you hooked up with that girl when I was gone I shouldn’t have done the same. I was literally not myself that night. I would do anything to go back and take that night back. I think about it everyday and I really miss you. I cried every night that week before school ended. You told me I was immature and I realized that I was. I’ve made more mistakes that you have found out about and I know that you do not care about me anymore and it kills me inside.

    It kills me that I care so much about you still and you probably never think about me at all. I want you to know that I started liking certain things because it reminds me of you, even though it hurts. I miss you and I fantasize in my head of what we would be like together still if I didn’t make that one mistake.

    I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but it’s hard not to be when I think about you constantly. I have dreams that we get back together and you care for me the way you once did.

    I want you to know that I am changing myself to become a better person, not just for you but for myself.

    My hope is that one day we talk again and that I can explain to you everything but at the same time you understand.

    I don’t expect you to take me back but I just don’t want you to hate me.

    I’m so upset at myself because I did not realize how good you treated me until I got treated like shit from other guys.

    I want you to know I miss you, but I need to get over you.

    I hope this helps me change myself and get over you.

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