I am sorry – Sorry for the way I acted. I did not understand. It was incomprehensible the way you were acting, but I understand now. I understand your sorrow and my anger. It was all misdirected, and it is my fault we do not speak anymore. I knew that you loved me; however I never understood the extent. With the three of us living together it must have been harder than you let on. We had our moments, the cuddling and head turning hand-holding. Not many people accept the sight of two women walking hand-in-hand. I want you to know that I enjoyed every second that we spent together. You were my one of my rocks and I wanted it to stay that way forever.
…But all good things come to an end.
I did not mind the drugs, I really didn’t. Talking you down was one of the most frightening events of my life. Somewhere you took it to an extreme, and it upset me. I remember the relief that came after… and holding you on the bathroom floor.
Every time we fought – I cried. Occasionally he woke up in the middle of the night to find me crying. I would never tell him what was wrong.
I still have the drawing you made of me when I was sick, and all the magnets we took. The house we lived in is gone now; a grain in the sands of time. Unfortunately so is what we had.
I am sorry…
I was wrong…
When you started bringing the men home I was hurt. At the time I thought it was anger, but I was acting as a jaded lover would act. I get that now, and I did not before. I love you – plain and simple. I love him too though… It has been almost two years since he and I began our relationship, there have been ups and downs. We never had a chance.
I broke our chance when I broke your heart.
But in return I broke my own. I dream about you. You show up in my dreams almost nightly… my source says you are doing well. Finally happy with a man who treats you well. You may have calmed down, but you will be a wildfire in the memories. You will forever burn bright within my head. Maybe we’ll be together in another life my dear. In this one the odds for two women just are not that good. Intolerance rules and even if we were together we would not be of equal standing with our peers.
Even I never send this (I was always bad at expressing myself), and you never read this… Heather I want you to know that I love you still. Even if it will never be the same. Even if we can not be friends.
Heather you are beautiful. Your eyes green, and your hair many colors. Your scars add character and never took away from your beauty. Take care of yourself, and never give up hope.