• On Freedom and The Loss Of Conscience

    by  • August 11, 2010 • Betrayal, Cheating, Grief, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Regret, Sorry, To You • 0 Comments

    Dearest Love of My Life,

    When we met I knew I had to have you even though you were seeing someone else and I was as well. We flirted shamelessly for long hours into the night while pretending to anyone who cared to observe us that it was an innocent budding friendship, a friendship founded on silly t.v. shows and copious amounts of pot. Even after I met your (in)significant other and yo became friends with mine we continued undaunted in our secretive romance as it tore apart the loves we had.

    I was never able to get over the guilt from our meeting, never able to get past seeing you tell that boy that you loved him as you lay next to me. I loved you from before i met you until doubt and fear ate away at it like termites in the walls.

    Our delirious first year together was like a dream. A dream not just because it was fantastic, but perhaps also in it’s hazy and almost delirious nature. So many memories that got us through the lean times that were to come, times when we were apart and when we fought and when i got distant. Those memories carry me even now, a reminder of a time when we… when I was happy and able to look to a future that was bright and full of joy.

    All dreams end.

    That summer we spent apart our differences, the distance and my doubts began to get the better of me. Without you there to put my fears to bed they grew into terrible monsters that stalked our once pristine home. Our time together became more precious as it was also less frequent. We spent this time being “happy” for each other instead of airing our worries and fears. Thus began our communication breakdown that led to the longest and most hostile silences I’ve ever instigated or endured.

    all dreams end and when i woke up from ours i had turned it into a nightmare.

    i’m sorry.

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