• letting go

    by  • August 11, 2010 • Acceptance, Friends, Hope, Letting Go, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    chris,

    i cannot express in words how hard it was to finally let you go. i cared for you, still do TO THIS DAY, and do not EVER want to say goodbye to you. at one time in my life, and it seems forever ago, i loved you. you loved me, and i know that. for some reason, we got off track. a lot of it had to do with your mom. i could never be with you unless she were 6 feet underground. you made a perfect companion, you were smart, witty, hilarious, great to chill with, and actually very caring. in time you became colder and colder once you saw inside of me, the dark side of my past. i do not hold that against you.

    what the purpose of this letter is for…well…my OWN personal ‘need’ of letting go. i’ve just gotten married to a fantastic man, he is everything you were, and more. the more part being that when he saw the dark side of my past (the sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, the mental health issues as a result of those), he NEVER once shied away. if anything, it brought us closer. you kept calling me ‘the one that got away’. and you know, for you, my firend, i might be. but there is hope for you, for you have the WORLD to give to a wonderful woman out there, and i wish you all the best in finding her. i hope you choose based on the same criteria you used on me, shot for the moon, and got it. you deserve it, even if you do not believe it. i will always be well taken care of. family holidays, bereavement, support in anything, spiritually, i am set. i know this in my heart, and without you along the way i would have never gotten here.

    i pray to god that you are able to find the happiness i know you deserve and the kind that i am blessed with. but please, former lover of mine, please let me go. it hurts my heart to know you dwell on the past and it hurts to know i hurt you so badly by corrupting your innocence with my tales of the dark side your mother tried so hard to protect you from. it just goes to show you we came from two totally different backgrounds. in the end, we’ll all end up in heaven, and you know what? i will ALWAYS be your friend, here and in the afterlife. i have so much respect for you, and hope. it is time to let go, and set your heart free, as i had to do…..

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