I know you have alot on your mind right now. Your best friend is leaving for a year to go across seas to fight for our country. Your not happy with where you are, and what you are doing for work right now. You want to go back to school but you don’t know for what.
I can’t say I fully understand what you are going through. Those words I couldn’t say to you, all I could do was cry with you and hold you in my arms and try to reassure you. In the end, I can’t say that your best friend will be ok, I can only hope just like you. I can’t say that you will go to school and be awesome at whatever you try, we all have our faults.
I want to help you, because I love you. I don’t want to see you sad, because it makes me sad. I’ll do anything i can to make that happen…
That was what i truly believed in right after we walked away from eachother after the four hours of talking. But, i can’t say that anymore.
While we talked, you said about how you didn’t think you could say I love you being completely honest. Why say it at all then? I rather have you say something like, I’ll talk to you later babe, then lie to my face. You not only lied, you really hurt me. You know how much I adored you, but did you know how much shit I put up with?
Your car, what the heck? You tell me your unhappy with your life and your decisions and unhappy with your money situation. Yet there you are going to work on your car. ..before you move out of your parents house, and before you get a new job. OR go back to school. I’m sorry that just is not right hun.
You also add on that you think it is our age difference. Three years, wow big deal. What is important is the maturity of the two individuals in a relationship. In that department, I think I outrank you. If you even try to defend yourself, don’t. I’m the one trying to be the civil one and talk to you, but NO. You just ignore me like i never existed, never; and that hurts alot!
I need to know that in the back of your mind you still care, you think of me when you do something that we used to do together. I need to know i wasn’t the only one still crying after we said good night to eachother. I need to know that in that moment, when we both were crying in eachother’s arms that you felt that connection too. And that even now, that the promise we made to eachother is still true, because after you find you, I want you to find me.
I’m upset, confused, angry, but mostly heartbroken. No matter how shattered I am, I want you to know I still look at your house everytime i drive by, I always look at the poem you wrote me on the canvas before i go to bed, I always hold my breath when I see a red car hoping it will be you driving, when I put my hair up nicely i still wait for you to mess it up playfully, when i sit outside at night i half expect you to be sitting next to me, but most of all i want you to know that I am always hear for you, to hold you while you need to cry. No matter how upset you are, or will be, I’ll be that shoulder you can lean on, and sob on.
I just wish you can see that I am here, you can stop holding it all in. Please, just…don’t forget our promise babe..