• lonely and empty

    by  • August 7, 2010 • Frustration, Grief, Loneliness, Yearning • 0 Comments

    You are both friends of mine. My best friend and my ex-boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad that you guys are happy together. I’m not jealous that you are with him. But when you both stay over at my house, and we watch movies like three friends. It kills me. He’ll put his arm around you and kiss you and hold you. Amd I get so jealous. Not because its you and him. I’m just jealous of what you guys have. That ‘special’ relationship. Seeing the two of you together distracts me from the movie and reminds me of the pain slowly growing in my chest. It makes me feel torn. Something is ripping me apart. I want someone to lay on my bed with me and watch a movie with me the way you guys do. I want someone to put their arm around me, kiss me the same way. I hate this so much. If I told you how badly this hurt, how lonely and empty it makes me feel, would you even think of stopping in my presence? No…you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t be able to. Even for me. And you know as well as anyone ,besides Alex, that it isn’t just someone I want. I want Alex to be the one putting his arm around me. Kissing me. But you and I both know that won’t happen. No matter what. He cannot like someone like me in that way. So you will kist stick with Cameron without a second thought of me. And even if you don’t realize it. Even if you can’t see it. I am being torn apart on the inside. I am rotting, just like a tree. Rotting on the outside. Looking fine on the outside. Dying.

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