Really, love? Really? Weren’t you always the one to tell me that I needed to calm down? That I worried too much… and that I shouldn’t worry about things that didn’t matter? Who pushed who away? Who is leaving who for some fucked up, abstract fear of losing their youth to our relationship? You told me it’s because the distance is too much. Is that true? Or is it because you’ve found someone else?
You also told me that you do love me. And you do care about me. But no… you don’t want to be with me. And I don’t believe you. I think you’re scared. I think you’re hurting us both for a reason that you’re not even complete sure of yourself.
You told them it was because you felt like you were married. When they asked if it was a bad feeling you said no. So then what? Are you scared of the commitment? The commitment that you know full well I would never push you into because I don’t want it either at this point in my life… Are you scared of realizing that you do want that commitment? You told me you “found your love too early in life”. What does that even mean? What do you want from me? Do you want me to not love you? Do you want me to wait for you? To pick myself up and move on? To be your friend? To push you away? You’ve been my best friend, boyfriend, and as cliched as the term is, lover, for three years now… what do you expect me to do?
My thoughts are jumbled. And I’m scared. But I know what I want.
Figure it out.