• I’m in love with you and I don’t even know where to begin

    by  • August 4, 2010 • Interested?, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You • 2 Comments

    I never in my life thought I could be the way I used to be with my ex boyfriend. I battle depression and thought I’d never find anyone that made me that happy ever again. But I did, you’re the one. I don’t even know how or why I began to like you but I did and now all I ever think about is you. To be with other guys I usually have to get fucked up. You make me want to be with you all hours of the day, free of drugs. Everytime I see you, I get a quick wiff of your scent and forget to breathe. When I am with you I don’t care how I act, I don’t care how dumb I look or sound. I can honestly say I’m 100% myself around you. We both know you don’t want to be tied down to one girl, but I so badly want you that I pretend it’s not an issue. The day we went to the river is the moment that I decided you have to be mine. Let’s just hope everything works in my favor.

    I think I may be falling in love with you

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    2 Responses to I’m in love with you and I don’t even know where to begin

    1. Mary
      August 5, 2010 at 11:30 am

      This is how I felt about my first love. We started off in high school drinking and occasionally smoking pot together. Then we started smoking what we thought was opium.. it turned out to be black tar heroin. After we parted ways for college I didn’t touch drugs for a couple years, until I found a psychiatrist that enabled the crap out of me. Drug addiction runs in my family, and it runs in his as well. We were both ticking time bombs. His journey with heroin went on another 6 years. Mine turned to stimulants and benzos. We surreptitiously ran into each other after I got out of rehab for the first time, and he had gotten out only 3 days before I had from a different treatment center. It seemed to be fate, and we fell for each other hard again.
      He started to slip away, slowly, and I should have fucking said something and I didn’t. I watched him fade away from me. I felt hurt and embarrassed, my pride & my ego were bruised by his terseness. He stopped picking up my calls. Then I heard that he relapsed and was shooting heroin again. 2 months later, on his 25th birthday he was found dead, alone in his car. It was too late to save him. I had sat by in silence, and I had watched him die a horrible death from afar.
      I have 18 months sober now. This happened back in December but it haunts me every day. I sometimes wonder if he was the only person I was meant to be with and now he’s gone, and I won’t ever have a love like that again.
      You should tell him how you feel. Sitting by in silence is an absolute tragedy.




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    2. I wrote this
      August 10, 2010 at 5:38 pm

      This seriously just made me cry, i’m trying to stay sober and you don’t know how much this comment just really helped me. But so you know, I did tell him how I feel and he feels the same yet, he doesn’t want a relationship and I don’t know what to do about it.




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