• I just can’t win

    by  • August 2, 2010 • Buck up!, Frustration, Grief, Knock it Off, Love - Pure and Simple • 4 Comments

    No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it’s never good enough for you.

    From day one all I have done is cater to your every need. You didn’t like the place you were living, I volunteered to find a place and move in with you even though we were only dating for four months. You couldn’t afford the rent for the place you liked so I volunteered to pay extra to make you happy.

    At our one year anniversary, I put together a photo album of all the amazing things we’ve experienced of the last year. The sledding pics, the road trip to Colorado I paid for, the hikes, the bikes, EVERYTHING. I wrote down all the inside jokes we have, all the things we tell each other, the baby names we call each other. I bundled it up and gave it to you as a surprise.

    Your response? “Why didn’t you buy me jewelry?”

    Ouch. That hurt. “Because I wanted to give you something meaningful,” I replied. “Not something materialistic that won’t mean anything down the line.”

    You didn’t care.

    Next, you’re tired of the apartment because of the neighbors, even though you only pay for a third of the rent. Actually, you’re just tired of the city we live in anyway.

    So what do I do? I search and search for a new job. I find one on the complete opposite side of the US in a place where your company has an office so we can move together. Luckily, the job I find is a good one. Good benefits, good people, good city. Cool, this may work out.

    Well my job wants me to start early, so I have to leave right away. You’ll be down in a month or so, just have to go through the process of transferring. But at least I can go down there and make sure everything is good before you get down there to make it more comfortable for you.

    “Well I want to bring my dog,” you say. I say okay. I have to find a place and move to in two weeks, but I will find you a place with a yard for the 80 lb dog you have, as well as a nice place so you can be happy. So what if that place costs me a paycheck every month, as long as you’re happy that’s okay. So what if it costs me another chunk of cash for the pet deposit? So what if it’s twice as far away from my work as it is from yours? At least you won’t have to drive in traffic and it will be easy for you.

    So I move. I leave everything I know behind – my family, my parents, my community that I have become a part of, my hobbies, everything. I move to this brand new place that I know nothing about and know no one. I move to a house that has a back yard and 3 bedrooms and wonderful tile so you and your dog can be happy. There goes that pay check every month. I’m barely surviving but that’s okay because you’ll be happy when you get here.

    “Have you contacted the office?” I wonder again.

    “No, quit bugging me,” is your reply. I hear the hesitation in your voice.

    Then it comes.

    “I’m not sure I want to move down there. I think I’m going to miss my family too much. Would you move back up here if I get homesick?”

    WHAT.
    THE.
    FUCK.

    I just completely changed my entire lifestyle for you. I am down here with NOTHING trying to start over SO YOU CAN BE HAPPY. YOU were the one that “wanted to go on adventures together.” I’m fucking down here for YOU. and now YOU want me to completely fucking change everything again because you’ll miss your daddy? Get over it.

    Who do you think you are? Do you care about anyone but yourself? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me right now? Probably not because that would require you to be less selfish.

    You know what? Fuck this. I’m tired of sacrificing my own happiness for yours. I’ve struggled my way through life to get the things I have and you’ve had everything handed to you. From now on, figure shit out on your own because I’m done doing it for you. If you don’t want to come down, then don’t. If you get homesick, go the fuck home but don’t expect me to follow you. Yeah it fucking sucks right now, but you know what? I’m willing to bet that after a while I’ll find friends. I’ll find great things to do, and see, and eat.

    And maybe I’ll even find someone who gives a little instead of always taking.

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    4 Responses to I just can’t win

    1. Katie
      August 2, 2010 at 10:46 pm

      I stumbled upon this website, and I fell in love with it. Who ever you are,you will find someone wonderful. Dont let the fools ruin you. There are plenty of people who will give you as much care as you give them 🙂




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    2. bet
      August 3, 2010 at 10:01 am

      sounds like your the one giving 100% find someone that will give to you 100% best of luck!




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    3. Paul
      August 3, 2010 at 10:42 pm

      You are obviously one of the 99th percentile of boyfriends in this country. Get out there and find yourself someone worthy of you!




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    4. Loser
      August 11, 2010 at 11:54 am

      Thanks for the encouragement guys. Things haven’t gotten much better. I actually did pretty much end up telling her she was completely selfish and I didn’t want to do this anymore, and she wouldn’t take that for an answer.

      We’ll see what happens. I may have another post on here eventually…




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