• A final release

    by  • August 1, 2010 • Forgiveness, Friends, Grief, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    I know that the life-shattering rough patch we went through was a few years ago, but I haven’t forgotten. I mean, you only abandoned me for a fucking skank and turned all of my friends against me, but hey, what else could you do? Oh, that’s right, maybe you could have been a real friend and not place the blame on me. It wasn’t my fault that you decided that some bitch’s approval was more important than our friendship. You had been my support system. You were like a sister, and my family treated you like a daughter. We took you on family vacations, to birthdays, to parties, and that was what we got? I know that it was dumb to post my grievances online in a ‘private’ journal, but I was too insecure to come to you directly. Actually, I should listen to my gut more often, because I was right. You twisted everything around like you always do and turned me into a needy, good-for-nothing, attention whore. Only one of which I was. You told that bitch that I hated her (never wrote that, but I totally did), gave her my screen name, then denied it when she told me her and her friends were going to jump me. We went to the police and they paid her a visit. You’re lucky my mother is such a good person and, for my sake, didn’t send them to you as well. You have absolutely no idea how much pain you caused me. My life was hell because of your actions. On the plus side, you showed me who my real friends were. (Only one, and I haven’t treated her as well as I should. Sorry, J). I wonder if you ever considered where I was coming from, or what life was like after that. To be truthful, I tried to kill myself a few times. It was with a pillow, and I always ended up reminding myself how much pain it would cause my mother to find her 13 year old daughter dead in her bed. Again, it’s been a few years, but I guess I’m still upset. You’ve always been a drama queen, but I figured you cared enough to not try that with me. Shows what I know, right? That experience really helped me, though. I’ve become more independent, and I’ve learned how strong I can be. You expected me to come crawling back, but nope, I don’t play that. You fucked up, not me. You lost an amazing friend, I let go of some poison in my life. I promised myself I’d never let you back into my life, but here we are, sisters again. We fit so perfectly, but I can never trust you. We’ve both done a lot of growing, but you’re still a ‘victim’. I think this letter is my final release. I’m going to put this behind me for good. Granted, my adrenaline still starts pumping when I think of that fucking skank, and I can’t fully trust you, but the healing is there. You’re never going to see this, but maybe that’s just as well. What’s done is done and I forgive you.

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